Miss Match
Bad Judgment

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She's more attractive with the beard

The next day at the coffee shop, Kate shows up late, and a coffee-buying Victoria is wanting to know where the hell she's been since she was calling her all night for the news, and Kate irritably says that there's no news, and Victoria says, "As in 'no news is good news'?" whatever that's supposed to mean, like, it's pretty clear Kate's pissed off about something, and Kate says Michael brought his ex-girlfriend to dinner. Victoria's all, yeah, that would be defined as bad news, and Kate says the ex-girlfriend also happens to be her new client. Correction: that's bad, bizarre news, says Victoria. So Kate blasts Michael, setting aside the fact that Lauren is Kate's client (which she should realize Michael had no idea about), but she says bringing his ex-girlfriend on a date is incredibly inappropriate. "Kate? Maybe it wasn't a date," says Victoria, who then apologizes for…I don't know, stating the obvious? Kate realizes she might be right, but if it wasn't a date, she sure in hell doesn't know what it was. Victoria says Michael has the mixed signals thing down pat. "I hate him," she says supportively. Kate thanks her, but continues to make her Sad Kate face. "Everything I thought, I feel like such an idiot for thinking," she says, prompting Victoria to crank up the supportive girlfriend routine to eleven, pointing out (accurately) that Michael's the one who's confused. Kate unconvincingly says she's done with him.

I think one of the benefits of working as a divorce attorney would be getting to work with clients who say things like, "My husband had sex in a cabana with a slutty blonde newlywed." It appears Nick would agree, as he instantly says, "We'll take the case." He and Kate are talking to "Miss Fisher," and Kate asks if she witnessed it. Nope, but she saw it on a videotape. "We'll need a copy of that immediately," says Nick quickly, before clearing his throat and adding, "For evidence." Heh. Miss Fisher says they'll see it soon enough, as will everyone else, because it happened on a new reality series called Honeymoon Hotel, which hasn't aired yet. She's a second-grade teacher, he's a personal trainer, but they were "drowning financially," she says (Nick makes a hilarious empathetic gesture), and they figured going on the show would be a good way for her husband to drum up new business. Unfortunately, she had no idea that, first chance he got, he'd have sex with "Jillian, a thong-wearing Pilates instructor." She didn't? Clearly, this is her own fault. "That's awful," says Kate. It is, says Miss Fisher: "We got eliminated the first week." Heh…?

Nick's rather concerned about the fate of Jillian, but Kate manages to shush him and his randy boner. Miss Fisher explains the show is a Survivor-type show where newlyweds compete for various prizes, with the grand prize being a million-dollar dream home. Nick says that would have been a sizable asset to split. "Too bad you didn't win," he says. "Freddy won a Hummer," says Miss Fisher. Nick's expression indicates he didn't understand that the hummer Miss Fisher's talking about has a capital H on it. Nick looks at Kate, lost, before realizing what she's talking about. "Oh, a car!" he says. Hee! Further, I've just moved to a place where a local auto dealership bills itself as the "Home of the Hummer," which I have to imagine is quite disappointing for a lot of potential clients. "Fully loaded," says Miss Fisher. "It's on the tape. See for yourself." "Will do," says Nick, as he continues to make notes, as he generally does in these meetings. Something tells me that if one were to look at Nick's notepad, you'd see dozens of women with big breasts. Perhaps sensing that she's best off addressing the defence team member without a member, Miss Fisher tells Kate that if the show airs, she won't be able to live with herself. "They turned me into a joke. My whole life will be reduced to a joke on national television." Um, not that I don't sympathize, but my general feeling is that people who ask to have the cameras trained on them for the purposes of personal gain should be prepared to, you know, have the cameras trained on them. And if the show exposes your husband to be a cheating jerk, maybe the show did you a favour. At any rate, I highly doubt that a reality show can be blocked from going to air because somebody winds up looking stupid. Who would be left?

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Miss Match

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