Miss Match
Jive Turkey

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Gobble, gobble
Fade up on The Little Coffee Shop of Chick-errific Reconciliation, where Kate "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Heal Thyself" Fox and a stiff-looking Amy are apparently working on achieving détente after the recent freaky freeze-out. Amy, apparently having had surgery to remove whatever was up her fanny last week, gushes that she's "so happy [they're] doing this." Amy pays for the coffee, giving the money to a barista who seems to be wearing a jogging suit, like, thanks for dropping by midway through your sweaty workout to handle the scones, lady. Anyway, Amy paying for coffee makes Kate feel power-played or something, judging by the way she wiggles uncomfortably under the enormous vertical rise of her hair. I would hardly think Kate would have time to worry about going Dutch in the middle of the incredibly complicated diplomatic maneuvering that Amy now requires, but I suppose that other people are free to be a lot nicer than I am. Amy next claims that she's been "beside [her]self with embarrassment" over the way she lectured Kate to go away and basically acted all bitchy. Kate, because doing so is programmed into her genes, smiles gently and assures Amy that everything is fine. A rapturous Amy sighingly thrills to the fact that her experience with Michael has been "so stunning." She calls him the "ideal man" (which I sort of agree with, because, I mean, have you seen him?), and offers the fairly lame excuse that the wonderment of it all made her uneasy. "I get it...kind of," Kate says, gently baffled by the argument that Amy's boyfriend was so nifty that he just forced her to treat Kate like gum on the bottom of her shoe.

You know, this is where my mind started to wander to the fact that I'm not sure how I feel about this blue sweater Kate is wearing. On one hand, it's a lovely deep color, but on the other hand, I'm becoming an opponent of all bunchy collars. I think this is the extra-turtly kind, too. I should probably be concentrating on the riveting dialogue.

Anyway, Amy goes back into that annoying mode your friends occasionally adopt where they want you to think it's cute that they spent a week or so being, as Amy describes it, "insane" and "paranoid." Don't knock it till you try it, I guess. Amy grins through her eerily shiny lipstick that she and Michael are so indebted to Kate that they really do hope to make her "a part of [their] lives." This very relationshippy comment from Amy seems to set Kate's teeth on edge, but she just asks Amy if she's sure she no longer hopes Kate will vanish like a well-treated ink stain. "Of course I'm sure," says Amy Shiny-Lips, and she takes a sip of her coffee. That mug she's sucking is going to need extra suds to get it clean, because I am telling you, that lipstick is greasy. Kate assures Amy that she'd love to be part of the circle of love: "Obviously, I think you're both terrific." In fact, Kate perseveres against what I can only hope is her best judgment; she would like to invite Amy and Michael to her house for Thanksgiving, if they don't have plans. As it turns out, however, they do have plans -- they're going to Amy's parents' house for the ceremonial Meeting of the Mom and Dad. Call me a stick in the mud, but that does seem kind of speedy. Kate, always eager to stick an emotional knife in her own cheery chest, grins happily. "Things are going well!" she observes. Amy agrees: "Yes, really well!" Wow, everything's so good with Amy and Michael! I guess David Conrad will have to leave the show after they get married.

Alas, as summer follows spring, so must a starkly different conversation with Michael follow in a slam-cut from this happy chat with Amy. The next time we see Kate, she and Michael are just settling in for lunch together at some kind of outdoor café, where she's explaining how relieved she is to have the tension with Amy behind her. Michael -- who seriously needs to shave that lame-ass facial hair, because it is a disfiguring tragedy -- tells Kate that he actually needs to talk to her about Amy. I know, I know -- you never saw it coming. "The whole thing with Amy's not working out," he tells Kate. Kate is stunned to hear that the two halves of a couple are giving her different versions of their relationship, despite the fact that this kind of thing actually happens to her a lot, so you'd think she wouldn't be so stunned anymore. Kate inquires about the whole parents-and-Thanksgiving thing, and Michael acknowledges that agreeing to visit the family of the girl he's planning on dumping was probably not a great idea. Kate isn't even sure she understands what his problem is -- how could he find Amy less than lovely? (Yes, I can think of lots of reasons, and so can you, but you've suspended your disbelief for six episodes; there's no reason to stop now.) Michael complains that Amy makes an overly intellectual stew out of everything, including sex. "It's like she wants to write her dissertation after every orgasm." This gets Kate's attention, for obvious reasons, the first of which is presumably that she'd certainly like to know exactly how much writing this would involve. Michael goes on to call Amy "needy and possessive," and laments the fact that she keeps him from seeing his friends -- including Kate. Kate smiles guiltily at the quasi-compliment. Mmm, quasi-compliments. He also spills the beans about the fact that Amy only reconciled with Kate because he forced her to. Like many things, this drives Kate to make a frowny face, and then -- of course -- an understanding face. Kate gets it, y'all. Kate always gets it.

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Miss Match

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