Miss Match
Kate In Ex-Tasy

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Where is the love?
Do Jerrold and his associates do this every month? Sit in a boardroom while Jerrold totals up the monthly billing hours on an old paper-roll calculator? Because you'd think that'd be frustrating. It appears to finally be getting to Nick, who decides to make a snarky comment about all the fancy computers that can do addition and subtraction. Oh, these kids and their newfangled inventions. Jerrold just gives him a look, and then, as he continues adding, nails Nick by saying that cocksure rejoinders are more effective when they come from the top billing associate of the month, who happens to be Kate this month, apparently for the first time. Kate's delighted that she's spending so much time splitting up so many marriages (aside from a moment's doubt when she says, "No wonder I have no life," and you'd think this Friday night show would want to avoid references to people with no lives), while Nick is aghast. It turns out that not all Kate's time is spent ripping couples apart; some of her total includes her matchmaking work, now being run with the blessing of Jerrold, but Nick doesn't figure it should count. And I have to say, I agree with him. I can't imagine going to my boss and telling him my TWoP work counts the same as the work I do in the office. I know he'd take a dimmer view of it than Jerrold does.

Anyway, Kate wants to discuss Nick's claims of unfairness as soon as she gets back from the bathroom, like all of a sudden she really has to go. I mean, really has to go. She's hop-walking and grimacing and everything as she enters the bathroom, where she's accosted by a woman named Connie, who looks like she's been crying. Connie asks if Kate is that matchmaker person, forcing Kate to do the need-to-pee hop while standing outside the stall. Connie introduces herself as the travel agent who works down the hall. "So, Connie, see you around?" says Kate, more hopefully than rudely, but Connie practically bursts into tears, so Kate asks what's wrong. Connie starts talking about how she and her boyfriend Scott have been together since they were 16 (ten years ago), and she's basically getting to the ultimatum stage as far as a wedding goes, since Scott always changes the subject when she brings it up. Kate's all, you talk, I'll tinkle, and vanishes into the stall (not for long, though; for someone who suddenly had to go so badly, Kate's in and out rather quickly. You know what I think? COCAINE).

So last night when Connie brought it up again, Scott flipped out, and his complaints usually centre around the fact that neither of them has ever been with anybody else, so how can they know they're right for each other, which kind of makes you wonder why Connie can't just say, "We've been together TEN YEARS," which is basically what Kate asks her as she washes her hands, and Connie says, "Because I love him," often the reason pathetic people tell their stories on Springer. Unfortunately, I don't think we're soon to see any chairs flying on this show, coupled with repeated usage of the phrase "crazy skank-ass bitch," unless Charisma Carpenter comes back. What Connie wants is for Scott to see what's out there, but still wind up liking her best. "Well, that would be nice, but I don't know if you can ever guarantee that," says Kate. Connie blathers on about how she can take it on faith that she and Scott are meant for each other, but Scott needs proof, and hey, you're the matchmaker! Kate's gobsmacked. "You want me to set your boyfriend up on dates?" she says. "Oh my god, that would be so much help," says a strangely relieved Connie.

Love is gonna get you, baby.

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Miss Match

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