Miss Match
Pilot

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Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
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I've got a match for you: my ass and your face!
Alicia Silverstone bustles down the steps of a courthouse in a two-piece red suit, cell phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder, telling someone named "Mr. Kodash" that it's too late, the desk clerk already time-stamped the affidavit and Kodash's client is liable for sanctions every hour he remains in the residence.

Getting into a beautiful new Ford Thunderbird, completely ruined by its powder-blue colour, Alicia tells Kodash that she couldn't care less where his client goes, that all she cares about is selling the house so that her client can get on with her life.

Meanwhile, that annoying big swing song -- I don't know the name of it, but trust me, you've heard it many times before, usually to connote wackiness or a sense of urgency, or a sense of wacky urgency -- is playing, already putting me in a bad mood.

Now in the middle of L.A. traffic, Alicia continues to argue with Kodash. "We are beyond the point of compromise!" she says, adding that she has the full authority of the Fox law firm behind her. Then -- in her open-top convertible, remember -- slips her suit jacket down over her shoulders. Seen from the shoulders up, she looks nekkid! At least that's what it appears to the big bald guy in the convertible next to her, who does his best to look surreptitiously at her, while Alicia tells Kodash to drive over to the house and remove his client himself. Grabbing a dress on the passenger seat, Alicia puts Kodash on hold and slips the dress on over her head. Meanwhile, the Kingpin has dropped all pretense of not looking and is craning his neck for a better view. So Alicia SMILES at him. And he smiles back. Alicia wraps up the phone call with a cheery "Have a nice day!" and peels out.

She pulls up at a church. And despite apparently being late for a wedding, she finds an open parking spot directly in front of the church. And she goes running past the bride at the back (tossing off a "You look lovely!") as she goes. And even more remarkable than the open parking spot is the fact the bride isn't in tears over a missing bridesmaid.

The wedding procession has already started, and there's a groomsman walking by himself, holding a bouquet and CHECKING HIS WATCH even though he's already walking down the aisle, and Alicia runs up and slips her arm around his. He hands her the bouquet. "I know, I know, I know!" she says, while he says he doesn't know how she let herself be so "ridiculously" late. And she says, "'Let' myself?" and tells him not to get Freudian on her, like, there's a bit of a stretch, and tells him she had an insane workday, and meanwhile there's no damn music playing while this so-called wedding procession is galumphing down the aisle, and how nice of the happy couple to apparently have their wedding at 5 PM on a weekday. And he complains that she's used the insane workday excuse every time he's tried to see her this week, and she tells him they have all evening together.

Later, at the reception, we see the bride and groom doing their thank-yous, and they single out Kate Fox, who introduced them, and lets everyone know that Kate is actually responsible for three marriages, like, nice word, "responsible," and everyone claps while Katie looks embarrassed. Meanwhile, her friend, clutching a glass of wine, spots a couple of dudes and says, "I'm going in," and Kate wishes her luck. Then Kate is accosted by that Judd Nelson-looking guy who was in Igby Goes Down, who congratulates her on the three couples she's put together, and says she must have great instincts. Kate acts all humble and says she figures that luck has something to do with it too, although buddy then acts all dorky and says he's thinking of giving up the search himself, which I guess explains why he sought out the cute matchmaker bridesmaid and started chatting her up. And Kate's boyfriend shows up with, "There you are," like maybe he had a hard time finding her after she was just singled out in the crowd by the bride and groom, and he gives her a glass of wine. "What do you mean, 'giving up the search,' what?" says Kate, and he mumbles about "one too many failed attempts," and meanwhile Kate is making such horrified faces that I had to rewind to make sure he didn't in fact say, "I really enjoying eating babies." And then he goes on about his cancer research and a multi-tiered lymph nodes study, and meanwhile Kate's boyfriend keeps making all these whatever faces, like God forbid Kate should speak to somebody else at a wedding. And Cancer Boy demurs when Kate calls him "interesting," prompting Kate to make a sad face, but this happy little gabfest is interrupted by the photographer horning in to get a picture of "the matchmaker" with the bride and groom.

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Miss Match

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