Santa's Land Of Quick-Draw Fornication. Victoria seems not to be able to stand to see any other females near Santa, even if it's a little girl loudly listing all the things she wants for Christmas, so Victoria hustles the little girl off and refers to Santa leaving early that morning, and he mutters that he had to go to the gym. And he obviously does not want to talk to her. And Victoria, who's rather uncharacteristically making plans for the two of them, seems rather put out when Santa brushes her off and hoists another child onto his knee.

Strolling away, Victoria is approached by another, previously unseen Sexy Elf who knowledgably asks if Santa also, um, showed her his candy cane, and Victoria starts to figure out that this guy she just met and barely knows might not be totally devoted to her. You know, I'm completely surprised that the guy who basically said to Victoria, "Hey, let's go fuck," turned out not to be Prince Charming. "Did he play the song?" says New Sexy Elf, and Victoria's eyes go really wide and she confirms it, but since we have no idea what she's talking about, the significance of "the song" is rather lost on us, don't you think? And New Sexy Elf says, "He's a pig," and walks away, and like five hours later, Victoria says "yeah."

Over at the Kate Fox Orphanage, Kate's doing work and holding Kaitlyn, and there's a bottle of wine on the coffee table, like, can you stop drinking for two seconds of your life, KATE, you're holding a BABY, and the doorbell rings, and it's Michael, who makes a crack about not knowing that she was a single mother and does this annoying bad-joke pause, like make your joke and be done with it, and don't think that acknowledging that it was a bad joke makes it any better, and Kate explains, rather calmly, that Serena took off for a meeting four hours ago and is M.I.A. And naturally Michael can only think about his penis, so he says that he guesses a romantic evening tonight is out, and Kate says not necessarily, since Kaitlyn's a quiet baby and Kate just needs to get her to sleep, like, we all hope the baby doesn't interfere with you two rutting, and they coo at the baby a little bit, and Kate puts her in the bassinet or stroller or whatever, and Michael watches her and says, "I like seeing you in mommy mode," like, thank you so much for that, Mr. Eisenhower's America. Kate tells him not to get any ideas, since she's killed three houseplants, which is a PRETTY HORRIFYING THING TO SAY, and they start kissing. And because we're supposed to get how maternal Kate is, she thinks she hears Kaitlyn murmur, but Michael doesn't hear anything, so he goes back to sucking on her neck, but Kate keeps peeking at the baby, so Michael asks if she wants to bring the baby over here, and Kate says yes, and she moves the baby basket or whatever a grand total of about six inches over to the coffee table so Kate and Michael can flop onto the couch and resume pawing at each other. And then the editing gets all messed up because Michael starts eyeing the baby before the sound effects guy can get his shit together and throw the "fussing baby" on the soundtrack. Then Michael says the baby is freaking him out, like, so much for daddy mode, and he suggests the two of them sneak off to a hotel on the beach in Laguna on the weekend, and they don't have to tell anyone where they're going. "What do you think?" he says, and Kate says she thinks Kaitlyn needs a diaper change, so Michael makes a wocka-wocka face.