Miss Match
Santa, Baby

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Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
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I saw Victoria doinking Santa Claus

Kate's dialing Serena, I guess, on her cell phone, because Serena shows up late and Kate hangs up. And Serena's whining that she's late because people keep wanting to see the baby, and calls it annoying. Kate asks how Kaitlyn is doing, only to be told by Serena that the baby is no longer Kaitlyn, since that is such an au courant name right now and everybody's baby is named that. Only she doesn't have a replacement name just yet. "It's everywhere, like the Mini Cooper."

Excuse me for a moment. I'd like to rewind my tape and check to make sure I didn't miss a rather important scene in which Serena finally comes back to get the baby and Kate gives her holy old hell for child abandonment. Surely there was such a scene, and I just missed it, right? I'll just be a second.

Oh.

Kate asks Serena if everything's okay, and Serena pretends it is for a few moments, although she admits that her mother has offered to help with the baby but only wound up saying that Serena doesn't look comfortable with the baby, which I might suspect is because Serena fobs the baby off on everyone she knows at any opportunity. "This from a woman who didn't hug me until my business school graduation," says Serena. Not that she's bitter. "But she's right." And Serena starts going on about all the pressure and says she and the baby just aren't connecting. Kate, for whatever reason, tells Serena to try to stick it out, but thankfully comes to her senses and tells Serena about seeing Jessica in the office recently, and how much Jessica loves the baby. That's a genius idea, says Serena! She can hire Jessica to be the nanny! "Serena, no! I'm talking about Jessica as the baby's mother!" Look, you guys only have about three minutes to wrap an entirely predictable plot up, so can you move this along? Thanks so much.

Kate and Serena, with baby in tow, knock on the door of a quite-surprised Jessica. And in a total surprise, Serena gives the baby back to Jessica along with the promise of financial support (what with Serena's admission that she makes an "ungodly" amount of money that's wasted mainly on jewelry and cute handbags), as well as help finding an apartment and getting the baby into day care. See, Serena says it would mean a lot to her "to do something useful" with her money. Oh, and she's got all kinds of baby furniture and clothes that everyone has been sending her, "like she's the baby Jesus." Kate stares at her friend with a "she has changed" smile on her face. Serena just requests one thing, and when she says this, the sappy music starts and Kate's smile disappears, and we're all supposed to think here comes ol' selfish Serena again, but Serena just wants to be the "cool aunt." I'd take "drunk uncle" myself any day. And Serena starts going off on teaching the baby how to put on makeup and flirt with boys and buy great clothes, like, how far away would I keep my child from Serena, and Jessica says she's always been terrible with those things, although I will say that judging by the baby, Jessica isn't quite so bad at the "flirting with boys" stuff as she thinks, and the sappy music kicks in again, and I've had pretty much enough of this. Oh, and Jessica names the baby Rose, if that matters to anyone.

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Miss Match

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