Miss Match
Santa, Baby

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Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
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I saw Victoria doinking Santa Claus

All I can say is, this better not turn out to be one of those stupid holiday episodes where someone behaves like Santa but nobody believes it really is him, and at the end it's like, "OR WAS HE?" If this is one of those, I'll be very upset.

Kate and Serena are visiting some apartment complex somewhere to meet the birth mother of Serena's new fashion accessory, and the complex doesn't seem that bad, but Serena's behaving like they're picking their way through the slums of Calcutta, only maybe that's kind of the point and we're supposed to be reminded of how shallow she is. And she says she's never been this "deep Valley" before, and when she said "deep Valley" I thought she might have been referring to her cleavage, but since I got in so much trouble the last time I talked about Charisma Carpenter's breasts, I think I'll shut up now. And when she complains about the "aesthetic," Kate advises her not to talk so much when they get inside.

Inside we meet Jessica, the very young mother who apologizes for the mess while Kate assures her it's okay and Serena keeps wrinkling her nose in disgust. Jessica says her roommate is kind of a slob, but since Jessica's only crashing there she can't really complain. She says she just made some lemonade, and asks if Kate and Serena want any. Serena says she'd love an "Arnold Palmer with two lemon wedges," and I had no idea what she was talking about, but I have since found out that an Arnold Palmer is half lemonade and half iced tea, and Kate is so embarrassed on Serena's behalf that she volunteers to pour the drinks so Jessica can sit down. Serena, clearly wishing she had some disinfectant, gingerly sits her precious arse down and asks about Jessica "crashing" there, and Jessica reveals that her parents kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant. "Sounds rough," says Kate sympathetically, while Jessica speaks about how alone she feels, and Serena's bright idea is to send her to a spa after she has the baby, because she'd be surprised at what a "mani, pedi and shiatsu" can do to lift her spirits. Kate and Jessica ignore this and get down to legal business. Kate wants Jessica to know all her options, and outlines them for her, much to Serena's chagrin. Kate says that if Jessica decides to keep the baby, she can get public assistance or have the baby placed in a foster home until she's ready to take care of it. Smiling the whole time, an obviously annoyed Serena says, "Kate, she already said she doesn't want to keep the baby." Kate says as nicely as she can that she wants Jessica to know all her options, and Serena calls Kate "Miss Bossypants," and I'm not sure that I'd display such snippiness if I were asking someone to give me their baby. Kate explicitly asks Jessica if she's sure she wants to give up the baby. Jessica's quite conflicted, but comes down on the side of finishing school, and she doesn't know how she could possibly do that with a child -- not to mention how broke she is, such that she doesn't think she'd even be able to raise a child. Serena, who in the last couple of moments seems to have finally grasped the seriousness of the situation, says, "She'll have everything she could possibly want. I promise."

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Miss Match

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