Miss Match
Something Nervy

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You can be the president; I'd rather be the Pope
The palm trees and California sun greet us as Kate, Michael, and Victoria rollerblade down the boardwalk. Kate pleads for them to take a break, which Michael agrees to because he can't have his matchmaker collapse on him while he's still single. So he's rollerblading on the California beach with two beautiful women and he's still worried about getting fixed up? Maybe not, as he starts sucking up to Victoria. "You were flying," he says, and she breezily talks about how she qualified for the semi-pro circuit but decided not to, because the traveling would have been too much, whatever any of that was supposed to mean. Was she kidding? Listening to her speech a couple of times, she just sort of trails off, and it sounded kind of improvised or something. Besides which, there's a "semi-pro circuit" of rollerblading? This weird little piece of information is quickly forgotten, though, as Michael starts talking about how the last girl he dated ("FYI," he tells Kate) was "a bit of a couch potato," and that it unfortunately rubbed off on him. And then he says, "Obviously." Michael? You are not fat. And then Kate makes it worse by saying, "You're not the one in need of oxygen." Kate? You aren't fat either. But for the sake of the wacky upcoming segment, I guess they need to bemoan their gross, disgusting, bloated blimp-bodies so that Victoria can invite them to her "boot camp," which will whip their asses back into shape, and proceeds to demonstrate what a tough little soldier she is by showing off her bicep. They make their way to a patio, and Michael rolls off to buy drinks while Kate wobbles over to a table with Victoria.

Victoria wonders if Michael gets a refund if he finds someone on his own, and Kate giggles and says she supposes he does. But her moment of hilarity is soon stopped cold when she spies a woman stretching in the sand behind Victoria, and she quickly and quietly gets Victoria to switch spots with her. Victoria wonders what's going on, so Kate whispers about the woman, who is a high school classmate best left forgotten. Unfortunately, the classmate has already spotted "Katie?" and makes her way over. This would be Charisma Carpenter, of Buffy and Angel fame, two shows I've never watched, but please don't email me telling me that I really should because I am not interested. At least I wasn't until I met miss Carpenter here. She's rather cute. And not just because of the large breasts straining under her top. I'm told those are due to her new child. Lucky bastard. Regardless, Charisma's a yummy mummy if I've ever seen one. She (needlessly) reminds Kate that she's Serena Lockner, and the two of them hug, and Serena starts babbling on about how she was recently thinking about Kate because she was "randomly in nostalgia mode" and had a "vivid flashback" to the two of them dancing across the stage together in their "flower drum song kimonos." Kate's all phony laughter and "oh my god!"s. She introduces Victoria and Serena, then gives Serena the quick rundown of what she's been up to since high school: college, law school, job. Serena asks her if she likes it, and when Kate says she does, Serena burbles that it's wonderful to love what you do, and informs us she's a "lit agent" at William Morris. "Such a blast!" Victoria spills the beans that Kate's also a matchmaker, which earns her a "shut up!" from Kate. Serena just says that this makes sense, since Kate was voted Biggest Flirt in twelfth grade. Kate argues that Serena took home that title. Serena disputes this, and says, "You always had the best taste in boys." Kate stops fake-laughing at this point. Serena toddles off, just before Michael comes rolling back. "Who was that?" he asks, and Kate says, "Nobody," and makes faces at Victoria to take us into the opening credits. Without the explanation as to why Serena (who comes off as quite sweet in the opening scene) is supposedly best left forgotten, Kate looks like a bit of a bitch here.

The beach again. Serene, peaceful waves cresting and breaking. Then an extremely loud woman starts blowing a whistle and yelling. I guess this is boot camp, but it's not actually boot camp, just some trendy exercise fad where you do army type stuff, like Victoria and Kate do here -- running obstacle courses, running while carrying mannequins on their backs, that kind of thing. If this is boot camp, apparently the U.S. is best defended by the clothes clerks of J.C. Penney. And apparently it's not so rigorous that the two of them can't have a conversation at the same time. And maybe Kate went not so much so she could get some exercise but so she could scope out some potential dates for Michael. She spies one, calling her "cute" (she is), and Victoria says she's nice, too (gave Victoria a PowerBar once! BFF!).

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Miss Match

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