Miss Match
Something Nervy

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You can be the president; I'd rather be the Pope

Michael and Whatshername are out for dinner at some Spanish-themed restaurant, complete with wandering mariachis, and they're talking about how they fell into their respective professions, with Michael wondering, somewhat facetiously, if Whatshername ever played "investment banker" when she was a kid, and she confesses that she didn't, and she asks if he designed buildings as a kid, and he says he did, mostly of the Tinkertoy and Lego variety, but he claims his work was very innovative, and she can ask his mom. "I'll have to give her a call," says Whatshername, laughing. Then her cell phone rings. And I'm thinking, "Speaking of calls," and she says, "Speaking of calls," and picks up. And she says, "Thank you" and "I can't believe it either" and "time flies" and then begs off the phone call, saying she's having dinner with someone and she'll call back later. Whatshername hangs up and says it was her sister. No problemo, says Michael, who then wonders how she works eighty hours a week and still has time for boot camp, but she just laughs and says she's not exactly breaking any boot camp records. Nonsense! says Michael, telling her Kate compared her to "G.I. Jane" out there, like that's supposed to be some sort of compliment. Her cell phone rings again, and she does that apologetic answering thing, which is really annoying, because if you were actually sorry, you'd TURN OFF THE DAMN PHONE WHILE YOU'RE HAVING DINNER, but she doesn't. She answers, and says, "Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad," and thanks them for the package she got from them yesterday and says she meant to call them. And of course now I realize that it is glaringly obvious that it is her birthday, and all of the stellar crew on the Miss Match boards picked up on it, but I have to confess that I missed it totally, mainly because I was blinded with rage from the fact that she kept answering her cell phone. She tries to get off by announcing that she's with someone, and says, "That is correct," and then asks if they can talk about it tomorrow, which I'm going to guess is her mother grilling her on this new guy in her life. She finally gets off the phone and apologizes again, saying she should turn the phone off. "Special occasion?" asks Michael. "It's my birthday," she says, and adds, "How are the tamales?" Michael practically chokes before raising his glass and saying, "Happy birthday." Then they kind of sit there in awkward silence before Whatshername practically bursts into tears as she defensively tells Michael that not everyone "has these best-friends networks planning birthday parties for everyone!" And Michael's all "no, of course not" and deducing that he's not getting any tonight. Whatshername starts sucking back her margarita.

Elsewhere, "Dr." Dean and Kate are reclining on, like, chaises longues by the pool in their full evening dress, and since "Dr." Dean knows exactly why she likes him, he of course asks her how her neck is, so she can rave about what a "miracle-worker" he is, and he just shrugs it off with a "you studied the law, I studied the body." She says she couldn't do what he does. Sure you could! It's just a weekend course down at the community college! He holds out his hand and gets her to start pressing his palm with her thumb, and he starts lecturing her on how she's releasing endorphins, which are nature's own stress and pain relievers. See? Nothing to it! But then a woman and a waiter bump into each other, so the "Dr." springs into action, because apparently this woman injured herself really badly, as if. He holds her leg and asks her to try to extend it, but is interrupted by a man telling him not to do that. "It's okay, I'm a chiropractor," says "Dr." Dean, which I have to admit was pretty hilarious, even before the other guy trumps it with "I'm an orthopedic surgeon" and tells him that without an X-ray of the leg, the last thing you want to do is apply pressure. Tail between his legs, "Dr." Dean starts whining about how everything is fine now that the orthopedic surgeon is here. "These guys think they're God's gift, just because they happened to get into medical school. Well, excuse me for blowing my MCATs, and missing the opportunity to spend eight years learning how to be a pompous-ass EGOMANIAC." Kate looks less than enthralled by his little tirade.

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Miss Match

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