Miss Match
The Love Bandit

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Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
The Love Bandit

The gallery opening. Michelle and Joanna hold hands and look dreamily at each other. Enter Kate -- in a questionable purple-striped strapless number -- and Judy in a hilarious tiger-print blouse. They chat with the lovers, and Joanna is very kind to Judy. And here's Joanna's dad, Morty! The group talks art, and Morty says he might buy something from Michelle for the den. He also gives Judy the old onceover, right before Joanna introduces Kate to Morty. "So, you're the one who corrupted my daughter," Morty cracks, and everyone laughs, except Judy, who goes all PFLAG on him and tells him that she's very proud of her daughter. "Everything about her!" she says. Morty apologizes and insists that he didn't mean to offend. "She seems like a great gal," he says. "She's not a gal, she's a woman," Judy retorts, to her daughter's great embarrassment. Michelle tells her mother to back off; she's not offended. "Well, then you have no respect for yourself," Judy says, and stomps away. "Can you go talk to her, please," Michelle asks Kate, and Kate makes a "who, me?" face, but instead of telling Michelle to go talk to her own damn mother, she scampers off and tells Judy that she misinterpreted Morty. "Oh, sweetheart, you see the best in everyone and I love that," Judy says. "But I will not stand around and allow some slick charmer to insult my daughter! Goodnight!" she yelps, and sails away. "Goodnight," Kate calls after her plaintively. Kate, I know it's the whole point of this show and all, but try to draw some boundaries between your own life and those of your clients.

Kate gets home to a ringing phone. It's, of course, Michael: They have one of their usual flirtatious phone conversations, and he tells her he has to help an old friend move, and he might be a little late for their dinner. But he's really looking forward to it. "Me too," Kate says. "What are you wearing?" he asks flirtatiously. "I'm hanging up now," Kate says, not knowing that the answer to that question is always "nothing," even if you're in sweats and a wife beater.

Over at the Los Angeles Superior Super-Speedy Court of Law, Kate's working the Love Bandit's trial in a tan corduroy suit and a red shirt that's far too cropped for the workplace, at least when the workplace is a courtroom. But let's not think about that. Kate questions a number of wealthy, slightly older women, all of whom tell the same sad tale: Karl pretended to be in love with them, got them to hand over a bunch of cash, and then bailed. Kate makes a series of sympathetic pouty faces, as Karl's counsel -- who looks sort of like Melissa Gilbert -- makes bored, annoyed ones. When she comes up for the cross-examination, Half Pint, Esquire asks the final sad woman, Jenna, if she's still warm for Karl's form. Jenna swears that she isn't, but not very convincingly. Half Pint certainly doesn't agree, especially since she's got this tape from Karl's answering machine from the very night before: it's Jenna, all mopey and sad and wanting to talk to Karl and maybe make out with him some more. Kate looks irritated, and also adorable. I don't know. I like this show a lot, but Alicia Silverstone isn't the most believable lawyer in the book. Matchmaker, yes. Legal eagle? Not so much.

Anyway, she does her perky best to question Karl. Basically, he's a big fat lying liar. He does apologize to Jenna from the stand, and poor Dr. Sob Story looks vaguely touched. Jenna, when a boy makes up a dead wife and then steals your money to take some other girl to Hawaii, it's best to skip the "sadness" stage of the break-up and move right into "blistering rage." Blah blah lawyerly blah -- how much do I not watch this show for the legalese? -- and the upshot is that Kate is like totally appalled that Karl is so heartlessly fleecing these women. "I gave them my love, Miss Fox. This is how they choose to pay me back," Karl offers. At this, Half Pint leaps up and agrees, arguing that there's no evidence that the condos, cars, and vacations were anything other than gifts to her client. Half Pint, by the way, is really acting her little heart out here. Sweetie, this isn't The Practice. But nice try. Anyway, everyone breaks for lunch.

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Miss Match




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