Over at the Lesbian Art Gallery, a young woman who looks sort of like Geena Davis adjusts a large painting. "Does this look straight to you?" she asks Kate. Oh, writers. I know that seemed clever, but it was really just a little obvious. But your show is overall a delightfully fluffy confection (and yes, I was watching a commercial for cookies when I wrote that), so I'll let it slide. Anyway, Michelle is not all that stoked by the concept of being set up. You know, all sort of, "I'm very busy, I'm so very, very busy," and Kate is like, "Blah blah blah. Shut up and give it a shot." Michelle sighs. "Look, I hate to say this because her heart is in the right place, but my mother hasn't the slightest idea what my taste is," she finally says. Kate shrugs and suggests that Michelle describe the kind of girl she's interested in. "Well. Okay. She should own at least one dress and one vintage leather jacket. She should like movies with subtitles. And have a current passport. Stamped with at least three hard-to-pronounce destinations. And when we kiss for the first time, I should forget where I am and who I am, at least for a moment," she speechifies. Kate, a better person than I, refrains from rolling her eyes. I had no idea we were allowed to be that specific with our yentas. In that case, I want a man who owns at least one tie and one hardcover book. He should like football. And know how to drive a car. And have a car. And when we kiss for the first time, I would like him to not get saliva on my neck. And I'm just wondering: is Kate going to be forced to examine Michelle's potential dates' passports? "Do you know this girl?" Michelle asks. "I might," Kate says, that little go-getter.
Cut to Michelle's first date, which is taking place at some anonymous yet chic restaurant. She watches as a woman comes inside and chats with the hostess. I swear, I know this actress -- the date, not Michelle -- from something, and it's killing me. I think it's an actress who played a character I hated so much on Dawson's Creek that I called her She Who Shall Not Be Recapped, and who then showed up on 24 last season, but her face looks a little wonky now and it might not be her. If it is, though, dude, She Who Shall Not Be Recapped, please leave me alone. At any rate, Michelle's eyes get all big when she sees that her date has a baby. Nameless Date apologizes for her tardiness and explains that her sitter bailed. "Oh, God, Kate didn't tell you that I have a baby, did she? She may not have known. We haven't been in touch in a while. I am the only lesbian she knows," Nameless Date says. Well, she didn't say that last part. Michelle stammers that it's okay. "I love kids," she offers. Well, Nameless Date is really excited about this! She is having the best day! "And Maya made the most perfect BM!" she says, lifting the baby out of her carrier and attaching the kid to her nipple. Michelle looks slightly taken aback, first by the poop report and then by the nipple, and while I can understand not wanting to talk about baby's bowels at the table, I don't think it's exactly fair to look grossed out by the breast-feeding. It's Maya's dinner time, too. On the other hand, it does seem like a misstep for a first date. Heavens, dating is complicated. Michelle proudly soldiers on, chatting about her gallery and her background in photography and whatnot. Nameless Date is soon distracted by a blonde woman at the bar, though, and hisses that it's her ex. "I can't believe she would come here. This is my restaurant," Nameless Date bitches, and hands over the baby before approaching the Ex. Michelle holds the baby awkwardly as Nameless and the Ex start groping each other. "Well, Maya, I guess it's just you and me," Michelle says, right before Maya vomits all over her.