Miss Match
The Love Bandit

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The Love Bandit

The next day -- I guess -- Kate and Michael walk down the street, eating popsicles and chatting about the dissolution of his relationship, and while Kate's hair is still in this adorable 1960s poufy headbanded 'do, her fringed Pucci shirt is just all wrong. For one thing, the colors are not very flattering, and while Alicia Silverstone's figure is absolutely adorable, this outfit does her no favors. To add to the nitpicking, the size and shape of the popsicles are changing from shot to shot and it's driving me crazy. On the positive side, however, Michael has shaved his horrible facial hair and he looks ever so much better. Seriously, why don't these two just do it and get it over with? Anyway, Michael tells Kate that he's really very happy without Amy. Kate pouts that she feels so bad about how that all worked out. She's really sort of dropped the ball as far as being a successful matchmaker for him goes. Michael is all, "Whatever." You silly girl. He wants you. Open your eyes! Kate tells him that when he feels ready again, she'll set him up with someone great. Free of charge! "I'm done with set-ups," Michael tells her, saying that meeting her was "worth at least half a dozen bad dates." Aw, that's so sweet. And yes, I have turned into a complete sap. Thanks for asking. Kate looks tremendously touched. "Really?" she asks. "Really," Michael says, and goes and asks her for a drink Friday night. "Sure!" Kate thrills. "Great! It's a date," Michael says. "Okay, it's a date," Kate responds, and then get back to walking down the street. You can just see the wheels in her head turning.

"So, is it a date?" Victoria asks, over at the Only Bar in Town. "I don't know," Kate squeals. I have so had this conversation. Victoria, by the way, looks like complete and total ass. She's wearing a one-armed football jersey. The one arm has a puffed sleeve. And it's brown. No, it looks worse than you can imagine. No, worse. No, seriously. Worse than that. "Do you want it to be?" Victoria asks. Kate admits that she's attracted to him. And she wasn't thrilled that he was with Amy. Oh, Kate. You want to bone him. Just admit it. Although it's true that wanting to bone your friend/client isn't always the best instinct. But when does anyone listen to her best instinct when boys are concerned? All too rarely. And I include myself in that data sampling. "Finally, the ugly truth comes out," Victoria says. "Of course, it could be absolutely nothing," Kate says. Yeah, I've said that. And what I meant was, "I am trying to save face in case it doesn't work out, but I have a bikini wax scheduled for this afternoon and my sheets are clean." Victoria swiftly assures Kate that Michael is into her, and advises her not to overthink their relationship. Easier said than done, Victoria. I admire those who can date without overthinking, because I am certainly not one of them. Am I oversharing in this recap, or what? Victoria grins. "You're beside yourself with joy," she purrs. Kate giggles and squeals that she isn't. Her cell phone rings; it's Michelle, and she's cranky. Because of the vomit. And she doesn't want to be set up anymore. "You can't just give up that easily," Kate implores her. Michelle thinks about it and agrees to give it one more try, but only if Kate finds someone "really amazing." Kate grins. "That's the spirit!" she says, and hangs up. Then she turns to Victoria and announces that she's tapped out. She doesn't know any more lesbians. "My last lesbian moved to New York. Telecommunications job," Victoria says. I'm house-sitting for my lesbian this weekend! But she has an adorable girlfriend. Also, she isn't fictional. So she's out. Kate wonders about "Pierced Eyebrow, the women who bartends at [Only Bar] on weekends." Victoria nods. "Georgia? She's cool. Knows everyone," she says, and offers, for a fee, to get Kate access to Georgia's Lesbian Black Book. Kate agrees, because she has an idea: "Girls' Night at the Sunset Lounge!"

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Miss Match

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