Miss Match
Who's Your Daddy?

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Daddy dearest

Does Royal Caribbean know that "Lust For Life" is a song about heroin addiction? Let's not tell them. Then, if they ever figure it out, Royal Caribbean will be all, "It's about heroin addiction? Boy, are we embarrassed!" That'll be hilarious!

Finally, some court action. Aaron's on the stand, confirming that he was having a romantic relationship with Marla at the time she conceived, in June 2002. "And during that time, you and Marla engaged in sexual intercourse?" "We got busy," confirms Aaron, laconically and hilariously. Marla rolls her eyes -- hey, maybe she met Aaron at a Six Feet Under guest spot party. But when Marla takes the stand, she denies Aaron's paternity, saying she and Aaron had stopped having sex by the time the baby was conceived, and gets in a dig about Aaron not satisfying her, so she turned to her new fiancé, "Anthony Vee, DDS," and started doing him after he did her caps. Awww. Kind of gets you right here, doesn't it? Under cross, Kate reminds her about Aaron surprising her with Dave Matthews Band tickets that June…and, well, after tailgating in the Staples Center parking lot, and…well, apparently it doesn't take much to earn Marla's gratitude. And she displays an astonishing lack of knowledge of biology, by saying they just had sex once, so that doesn't make Aaron the father. Kate's shrug clearly says, "Oh, really?" Having met their burden, Jerrold asks the judge to order the paternity test, and a rather bored-looking judge does so.

At some loud, shitty concert, Michael is grinning and pumping his fists while a distressed Laurel holds her hand to her head. When Michael says they can leave anytime, she says she's fine, like, don't bother trying to be gracious while making it clear you're miserable. He apologizes for dragging her to it, but it's a rare concert these guys play that's before midnight, so since "old age" prohibits him from staying up too late, he didn't want to miss the show. "I wouldn't have pegged you for a fan of…whatever this is," says Laurel, compelling Michael to launch into an overly long bit of ridiculousness about this car he had that only got one radio station, a college station that played these guys all the time, so he kind of got hooked, even though most college stations tend more toward the Pavement than the…my best approximation is Mötley Crüe, and I don't mean it in a good way. Michael finally succumbs to Laurel's pain and they leave, with him calling her a good sport and wondering if she'd like to go for that coffee now. Surprisingly, the tinnitus hasn't kicked in, but she says she's exhausted, so they promise to do it another time (and genuinely seem to mean it). They say goodbye in that "do we kiss? Shake hands?" first-date kind of way (he kisses her on the cheek). He walks away. She seems to be looking at his ass, which I guess gives her an idea; we next see her knocking on Peachy's door, who opens it wearing no shirt and his jeans unbuttoned. You know, I tried that with my landlord once when the rent was late. She hops on Peachy, and they go inside to sweat up the sheets.

The next day in the law firm's coffee room, Sardonic Claire is answering in the negative to Kate's questions about whether Michael or Laurel called. When Kate wants to make sure that Claire will let her know when they do call, Claire says that's pretty much standard operating procedure. Hoping for an even less sincere conversation, she starts talking to Nick about the Thompsons (who Nick calls "the naïve simpletons," much to Kate's annoyance). They've got a meeting set up for tomorrow, with Kate representing Gabby and Nick representing Peter. Nick crows that in their "boys against girls" case, the girls are going to get creamed, prompting Kate to wonder out loud about all of Nick's character flaws, such as the "hyper-competitive comment," the "self-satisfied smirk," the "giddy chuckle." Nick responds by telling her that he's a man, and as such must quote the lyrics to Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." Kate tries to squash him by pointing out that Nick's client Peter is a nice guy: "You might not be familiar with this term." She says that all Peter wants is a fair and equitable result, which Nick finds hard to believe, and he swaggers out of the break room. Kate looks pensive for a moment, then plaintively calls after Nick. He turns back, and she smirks and says, "See ya!" and winks, and I swear there was a little "ding!" as she winked. He winks back. Kate, having nothing better to do, starts in again with Claire, who is still puttering around the break room, like, maybe she could be answering phones or something. "So, when they do call…" But Claire interrupts her with, "You're the matchmaker. Maybe you should call them." And Kate manages not to say, "And you're the damn receptionist, so maybe you could take some instruction."

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Miss Match

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