Mission: Man Band

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 725 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
From Boys 2 Man Band

"It's going to be really hard to work with you guys if you fight me every step of the way." Bryan gets it. Jeff explains that they hate her, and how he believes that they are still famous. She suggests they might be working together on their egos down the road, awesomely. Jeff asks the boys if they really want to audition for her, and she calls them "hokey" for calling themselves a singing group when they can't even get it up to sing in a closed restaurant to their future manager. I'm trying to say this in a way where she doesn't come off rude, because she really doesn't. It's just like this extended take of her doing her best not to go, "Seriously? Seriously, though. For real? Come on. Help me out here. Cut Momma a break here, guys. ...For real?"

Jeff laughs about his rage and how he must shove it down, down, down; Chris gives in, with the caveat that he sings before Bryan. Chris sings, Bryan sings, Rich sings: Chris is wonderful, Bryan is less wonderful, Rich is an idiot. I don't know why they think Bryan's the best. It's clearly Chris. Or maybe Jeff, but we'll never know for sure: Jeff refuses to sing. He cannot sing in a restaurant, he cannot sing for Katie, he cannot sing because to sing is to admit that he's fucked and living in his parents' house with an iMac and a whole lotta plans that consistently go nowhere. Katie calls this a copout, and Jeff agrees. Hell yeah it's a copout, he says. He's still smiling when he says this. He tells the table at large that he is reluctant to be a part of this stupid process. Outside, Katie tells us that Jeff is "full of shit," and she's not wrong; inside, Katie rolls her eyes so hard she gives herself another facelift, thanks everybody except Jeff, and takes off. The boys are basically cowed, except for Rich, who mumbles something stupid; Bryan applies some much-needed misogyny for team-building purposes. The phrase "smuggling midgets" is used. Everybody laughs because every famous boy has a secret gay fear. Normally I would say that this is not okay, and it's not, but he just chilled them the fuck out, and that's worth something. Even though it diminishes him.

Mission: Man Band

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