Mission: Man Band
Get This Party Started

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now!
Get This Party Started

Jeff hots around in the kitchen and everybody talks crazy. I have no idea what they're talking about. Chris notices that they're all nuts now, but thinks that Bryan is additionally drunk again. Everybody whispers behind Bryan's back that he's probably drinking; Rich spreads the gossip among the other two people like wildfire. Bryan talks crazy drunk talk and falls asleep on the kitchen counter. Rich from LFO cries about it some more. I kind of love this window on boyband behavior, it's like the zoo. Like even when just four people are gathered together, they will find ways to backbite and get codependent and weird and psych each other out.

My impression of boybanding is that they find you in Orlando and then kidnap you and take you to Germany and keep you in a large plastic shipping carton and then after two years they bring you back home and your parents steal all your money. I think that's how the system works. So like, I understand why, if you're just a teenager when they stick you in the box, you have to be all high school like this with the raw materials available, which is like a couple other guys. However, now they are all in their thirties and it's not cute anymore. No, you know what it's like? A fraternity house. Every day in a fraternity house is like the opening credits of The Facts Of Life. Lisa Whelchel rudely blowdrying her hair in your face, Tootie on rollerskates, Natalie and Jo experimenting with bisexuality after a couple beers. Mad amounts of getting into everybody's business, gelled bangs, crunchy socks, weird emotional intimacy, preoccupation with bodily functions. Lots and lots of cheap cologne. You take the good, you take the bad, you draw genitalia on Rich from LFO's stupid face while he's sleeping. I think that Katie is the Cloris Leachman. Definitely Jeff is the Tootie.

So anyway, I guess that Bryan does have a secret drinking problem after all. That sucks. But at least it gives everybody a reason to act like they're perfect and just really concerned about Bryan, instead of contemplating the vast abyss of their own wasted lives and futile expectations of success. MAN BAND!

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Mission: Man Band




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