Mistresses
A Kiss Is Just A Kiss?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 45 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
And Now You Are Dog Food
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

Karen left her shit all over dead Tom's love nest, so naturally his son took it straight to his mom, which Karen knows about because she is constant contact with him because she is a trainwreck. April's dead husband's second family showed up begging for money, and her hot boyfriend dumped her for having problems. Savannah is still freaking out about her one-night stand but has yet to take a single proactive step to regain control of her life, while her sister Joss is merrily ruining a lesbian marriage for no other reason than that she is a sloppy crazy person.

SAVANNAH'S KITCHEN, ACTUAL

Harry: "Hey, it's my favorite drunk mess of a sister-in-law slash permanent houseguest."
Joss: "That's... Fair. I am not currently drunk this morning, though."
Harry: "Why are you dressed like a Zumba instructor? Who is this to sleep with?"
Joss: "I am going hiking with Alex!"
Harry: "The lesbian?"
Joss: "I don't see race. Don't be offensive."
Harry: "That wasn't actually offensive. You acting like it's offensive is offensive, insofar as it demonstrates your state of mind here."

Joss: "She's not my lesbian, she's just my best friend all of a sudden."
Harry: "Have you ever had a female friend before?"
Joss: "What about Karen and April?"
Harry: "They're Savannah's friends. You are grandfathered."
Joss: "Oh, then no. One more red flag of how I am a monster."
Harry: "As long as you're aware."
Joss: "You are the fucking worst. Where is my sister?"
Harry: "At a mysterious 'meeting.' I have no further information because I did not request it because I do not care because I hate my wife."

DOCTOR No. 1

Doctor: "Congratulations! You're having a baby!"
Savi: "Aw, shit."
Doctor: "You have been treading my last nerve for six months about this, now you're rethinking? God, you people."
Savi: "I am just processing my options."
Doctor: "Here are some prenatal prescriptions, and also I need to get full medical histories for both of your families."
Savi: "Both of who?"
Doctor: "You and the father of your child, your husband Harry."
Savi: "Right, right. Good ol' Harry, fathering my child and all."

THROW PILLOPALOOZA

April: "Humblebrag about how I'm the 'most stunning woman' Richard's ever met, followed by oddly worded complaint about how he is 'terrified of my package,' i.e. my husband's bastard he doesn't know about, which quote is 'sadly not a euphemism.'"

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Mistresses

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