Dr. Jacob: "You shouldn't just give your car keys to any old guy in a vest."
Karen: "How I do make it through a single motherfucking day? Why am I like this?"
Joss: "Are you rich? I am asking for two reasons."
Karen: "Don't do it, Lerner. She's a man-eater, Lerner."
Dr. Jacob: "Why would I want to live in this house?"
Joss: "Because of sex, of course! Why does anybody ever do anything? Why do we have jobs, go to school, wear clothes, eat food, drive cars, invent technology? It's all because of fucking! Fucking and fucking and fucking! Naked people doing it! And sex! I got the Black Snake Moan! It's coming you guys! Oh no! And here I am at work!"
(Joss passes out on the floor from thinking about all the sex that you can have in this world, one hand crammed down her trousers.)
Dr. Jacob: "Nice friends you got, Karen."
Karen: "She's a head case. I wish I knew some mental health professionals I could send her to."
Olivier: "I am here to judge everybody. This is my French model girlfriend or something."
Joss: "Hang on, I just regained consciousness. Give it to me, doc. Tell me how I fucked up."
Olivier: "On the one hand, this is a brilliant idea. On the other, you expensed it all I'm sure. So hopefully that pays off for you."
Joss: "The catering was done by the asshole whose kitchen I live in, for starters..."
Olivier: "Very amusing. When I fire you, you are going to feel it."
Harry: "Night's still young, buck up."
Joss: "Buck off."
Harry: "Funny dialogue exchange, considered on its own. In context, you're an asshole."
Richard: "April? Why are you at this party? Why won't you fucking leave me alone?"
April: "Richard! I was just about to say the exact same thing, only pathetic!"
Richard: "Do you think your friend would sell this house to Lamar Odom? He plays a sport probably."
April: "Are you a fan of that sport Lamar Odom plays?"
Richard: "I am a writer about sports, including that one. He might also be married to a Kardashian."
April: "What makes you say that?"
Richard: "Well, he is a person. The odds are in my favor."
(Nailed it! Double nailed it! Well done, Jacob.)
Meanwhile there is a guy there who looks like Keith Richards, which Jacob Lerner jokes about by saying all the Rolling Stones things he can think of, such as "sticky fingers" and "I fucked David Bowie" and "smoking crack with your dad in it." He goes off to get them more drinks and think up more hilarious Stones puns -- as if Karen Kim has ever even heard of the Rolling Stones, or music, or anything -- and of course Sam calls: He has been in a DUI accident, which is what happens when you drop out of Brown.