Decisions, Decisions

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A-
Ride Your Life

Harry: "That was quick. Set a timer?"
Savi: "No point, I'm bleeding."

They are quiet. The distance between their bodies is suddenly the only thing.


Dr. Jacob: "Do you want food? I got food! Jew food."
Karen: "No, I have to hover my fork over a salad with some friends later."
Dr. Jacob: "That creep Newsome will not stop coming around. This time it was to ask me about the practice, our policy with patient records and whatever."
Karen: "I hope you punched him in his stupid face for me."
Dr. Jacob: "Karen seriously what is going on. I could not be more supportive or kind or lovely and yet."
Karen: "I guess I'm just worried about inventing Koreans in front of Beyoncé."
Dr. Jacob: "Just imagine everyone in the audience naked. Except for me because that would be weird."

That's one word for it. The wrong one, but a word just the same. I've never really had a problem with public speaking because I like people and I am constantly lecturing everyone at all times whether or not it's a crowd or just one person or just you, Best Beloved, so it's like the opposite of Kryptonite. However, were I ever to suffer this failure of nerve, Naked Dr. Jacob Lerner could easily be on the list of calming mental images, right under "Sam Grey Cat-Blinking Vigorously Into My Eyeballs Until I Am Invincible."


Joss is reading a magazine (printed on paper, like it's the fucking '90s over here) when Alex calls. And between the mean truths of Sally and the loving beautiful truth of Harry, she is very much not sure if she should pick up. Finally she does, but it's with a fakeness to her voice that you're surprised she can even muster, in terms of dissembling.

Alex: "[New apartment blues.]"
Joss: "[Well-worn real estate jokes we don't need to get into; on the level of like, "Realtors always be like 'Location location location'!"]"
Alex: "["They are! They're always like, 'Location location location!' Anyway, back to a real conversation that normal intelligent people would have. Do you want to have lunch.]"
Joss: "I would love to have a big old lesbian vegan chowdown with you, but I am swamped with work!"
Alex: "Clearly a lie, but okay! I will talk to you later!"
Joss: "Whew. Nailed it."

But wait, no she didn't. She actually shakes her head, like, "If I was being an asshole before, and then in the middle I got the impression I was being an asshole, what am I being now? Because the sound of Shannyn Sossamon being disappointed is -- Jacob, back me up here -- just about the saddest sound in the world." I will back you up and I will raise you a Brush that hair.

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