I Choose You

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 23 USERS: A
Don't Go To The Springs!

Never go to the second location. Especially with a Wine Country WASP bitch on pills. Double that if she's wearing a blousy white linen shirt and simple necklaces rather than her usual fashion-forward sharkwear. Even that one bright purple tunic looked like she could fight in it. (Although for what it's worth, I think it's the same chain necklace now that I'm thinking about it.) That is predatory camouflage intended to make her look nonthreatening, like a nature photographer. Don't fall for it! The only nature she's interested in is red in tooth and claw, Karen Kim.


Is still driving down the highway, bopping along, and she answers the phone, and talks about how she shouldn't be talking on the phone on the I-16, which means her ass is dead. They have a long conversation about how she shouldn't hear bad news on the freeway, and how she should pull over, and then she pulls over, and then they discuss whether or not she has come to a complete stop. I mean, it's all very suspenseful exactly how hard she's going to get hit.

They have a fight about how Harry stole the results -- and yes, Savi does find a way to at least try and bitch at Joss about this -- and she yells at her sister because she's coming back to the Springs (DON'T DO IT!) and then she drives... Directly into the path of an oncoming SUV. It's hilarious. They spend the whole time having this safety dialogue and Joss is like, "Check your mirrors and remember to stay off the median and drive the speed limit" and then she just... Pushes the pedal with her little boot, right across every lane of the road, so that she is in the perfect position to get t-boned by the van driving directly toward her. Or should I say, directly toward her uterus.


Richard: "Okay but then you freaked out yesterday about me moving..."
April: "I was! Heartbroken and sad. For like a minute. Then I was just relieved."
Richard: "You're awful. That is awful, and you are awful."
April: "No, I was relieved because you got to be the bad guy. Not me."
Richard: "Oh, so this is about Paul. That's cool. I got back with my ex a few times. I was deluded like you. Have fun wasting years of your life."

April: "People change, Richard..."
Richard: "But they don't change back."

Nice. That was solid, right there. Good one.


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