I Choose You

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 23 USERS: A
Don't Go To The Springs!

April: "[Hemming and hawing, as though there is a decision to be made here.]"
Karen: "Close your eyes."
April: "You can't hypnotize me, Karen. I am way too uptight."

First of all, I would like nothing more than for Karen to start hypnotizing people. I think that could really go some places. Secondly, April, I'm sorry to say this but you are the most suggestible person in the history of small business owners. You believe in ghosts, you believe in accessible health care for women and children, you let Miranda Nickleby hypnotize you at least four times, like friggin' Kaa. You had to go to Richard's house to figure out if you liked him because you couldn't remember.

Karen: "You are visualizing a happy life. Who is it with?"
April: "Boom, done."

She runs out the door, having just had the exact same epiphany as...


Who has left the resort by the time Joss wakes up. Oh no! Rocking down the highway with Joss calling her, unheeded over the intensely bad Lykke Li cover rocking the Mustang. Bets? I say we're about to combine "convenient miscarriage" with "texting while driving PSA" and then toss some "coma bedside reconciliation" on top. How about you, what do you think?

Harry's gonna be all, "Savi, I don't care whose baby it is, just come back to me because I realize what's important," and then right when Savi wakes up miraculously from her coma (shouting "Diamonds!") the doctors will appear and be like, "You lost the baby, but it had a detectable Australian accent," and then that's Season Two: Dealing with that, and a marriage in repair, and Harry having shitty crybaby drunkard meltdowns about their dead baby he hated so much that he wished it to death, and blaming her for texting while driving even though he doesn't want to hate her for that but he can't help it. That's my prediction.


Why has April summoned Richard to her shoppe? Is it to fuck with him? Dump him? Yes. First a big kiss, and then a big apology. You dumb jerk, April. Nice one getting the smooch first, though. That is gold right there.


Is shocked to see the Widow Grey -- hair fun and flippy, lipstick in acceptable parameters, pretty pulled together all things considered -- stalking outside her house, dry-weeping like a Real Housewife about how she wants to make it up to Karen and all kinds of red-flag danger zone bullshit that of course Karen doesn't recognize because she has never seen a TV show, or a person, or anything that ever has happened, so she's unprepared.

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