Mistresses
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Diamonds!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

SIX WEEKS AGO

Savannah Davis strides up to a hotel's outside bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. She is beautiful, put-together, the whole thing. She speaks to a blandly handsome man named Harry, who has an accent, and they flirt for a while -- "Where's your wedding ring? Put it on! Mrrrowww!" -- before heading upstairs. It starts out hot and heavy, Santigold playing, the whole thing, but in case you were wondering...

Harry: "Hang on, hang on. Wait wait just wait wait wait wait."
Savi: "Ugh, what."
Harry: "I should probably be on top."
Savi: "This is a metaphor about our marriage?"
Harry: "No. Yes, but no. It's because this way, more of my semen will end up in the ampulla of your uterine tube, where it belongs."
Savi: "Heterosexuality. God, how do we even go through with it?"

They have awkward sad fertility sex, but they both know this time is not it. Savannah is by far the best one out of this parade of dorks, but her husband is by far the worst, so it cancels out.

I have this rule where if you feel the need to pretend I'm not me when we have sex, guess what: We are not having sex, ever again. Problem fuckin' solved.

MEANWHILE

(Josslyn, Savannah's sister, is just having sex this entire time with her boss, but we never see either of their faces, so it's just this weird overlay of random desk sex -- staplers, mousepads, fucking fucking fucking -- that intrudes on the overall narrative while we meet the other three ladies.)

INCLUDING

April Malloy, who is disturbed to hear a man's very deep voice going oh baby over and over in her home furnishings boutique. Eventually she wanders over to a customer who is giving her the boss eye, and asks if he is saying "oh baby" over and over and if so, why.

Customer: "It isn't me -- it's our sex app, Shaggr. It's like Grindr, for straight people who don't understand anything about the world or how it works or why there is Grindr."
April: "Wait, I have this sex app? I thought straight Grindr was just called being a person."
Customer: "It would explain why your pants keep saying oh baby."
April's Pants: "oh baby oh baby oh baby"
April: "Wait, so now what?"
Customer: "Now we have anonymous sex. It's the nineties, after all."

April: "I am a 9/11 widow or something, I can't do that. But I would love to show you to some bedding or other purchases you might make in this store you are in."

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Mistresses

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