I don't judge how you drink your tea, you understand -- I don't give a damn what you do, I'm not even that interested in it -- but if somebody shows up at my house with a bunch of nonsense trying to make tea way weirder than it needs to be? Well, we don't have the same taste in tea, Dan Savage. That person's going home thirsty, because I don't have time for that. You have ruined my tea. Maybe in the '70s it made sense to tie your tea up with leather or spit in its face or call it hateful names, but those are not our wounds anymore: I don't have a problem with tea, and I'm certainly not ashamed of my thirst. I honestly don't understand bringing that stuff into it.
Anyway, Alex goes from "I might be wrong" to "it's actually kind of beautiful" to "here, why don't I show you exactly how it works." It is a shitshow, like, there's even some half-assery about her remembering how to do this incredibly intricate and complex tying-up of her realtor, like she's getting back on a bicycle or something. In the end, she has turned her (fired) realtor into a human hammock, and possibly a lesbian, but definitely it is all very, very sexy and provocative. Nothing quite so avant-garde as treating gay people like a vacation you can take, huh?
Has found a business card for a notably salty used car salesman, who immediately confirms for her that The Walrus bought a certain Babymama a yellow 2001 SUV back three or four years ago. She hangs up and then, of course, drives a car through her living room and into the pool, where bubbles surround her face in a silent scream. Just kidding, she throws a framed picture and immediately cleans up the mess, because she's April.
MRS THE WIDOW GREY
Has been visited by what she thinks is a cop, asking all kinds of questions about her husband's death and was it real.
Savi: "Not a cop. His name is Anthony Newsome, and he's an investigator hired by the life insurance company."
Mrs. Grey: "To what end?"
Savi: "The fuck you think?"
Mrs. Grey: "I'm sure it'll be fine."
Savi: "That's the spirit. A girl after my own heart. I mean, yes, denying your husband's autopsy raised some red flags, but this is just part of the process."
Mrs. Grey: "He had lung cancer, I mean..."
Savi: "Yeah, but they're going to push for suicide, like, asking about his mental state prior, all that stuff. So once they get a consensus from the family and the doctors -- all of whom are complicit in this fraud -- no problem."