Mistresses, what is up? Well done, that was great. What a lovely sequence of people telling Karen and Joss exactly what is wrong with them, and them actually kind of getting it. Of course, things are about to go insane on the Savannah/Harry side of things, and April has never acted more stupid in her life, but it's a great way to set up the finale.
The judge in Karen's wrongful death suit dismisses it within seconds, leading the Widow Grey to get very drunk and possibly go insane. It was a very Desperate Housewives kind of scene where this happened -- and I mean that, for once, in a good way -- mostly because Penelope Ann Miller is a fearless player of alcoholic bitches. Sadly, Dr. Jacob turns her in to the board -- Karen's license is suspended for six whole months -- and dissolves their partnership. This along with a speech about how she is a liar and a crazy person and irresponsible on a level never before seen in humans, but I don't think she really grasped much of it. I guess it's good that she can find some peace in her total lack of comprehension of what is ever going on, because it seems like next week the Widow Grey is going to kill the shit out of her.
April is still looking for Lucy, who has disappeared -- once again, we find out, yearning and fiending for the sweet, dangerous siren song of Demi Lovato -- off to the Santa Monica pier, but of course April assumes that Paul kidnapped her, because that makes sense. Sad to say, this is the last time her ass makes any rational decisions whatsoever. Somehow all of this is happening on the same day, which is also yesterday? Whatever, about ten minutes into looking for the kid, April loses her goddamn mind and proceeds straight to the "clutching her stuffed animals and sobbing" period of losing a child. It's very dramatic, and Paul is very "helpful" by saying "there there" while she does this drama queen stuff.
Totally disinterested in Richard (?) and with weird wifely feelings getting stirred up by Lucy's despotic control over all aspects of her emotional life, April cheats with Paul. Her dead husband who has a secret family in Florida. He talks about rejoining their family and just oustering Richard altogether, and instead of pointing out that this will ruin her life, her business, her livelihood, put them all in the poorhouse (and Paul in the jailhouse) and deprive her (well, us) of Richard, she sleeps with him instead. My theory is that April needs a nap. She will wake up tomorrow and realize nothing that happened today counted, and then frog-march Paul to the airport herself.
Savannah meets with Jeff the Business Manager (the one that hates lamb) to learn that he needs twenty-five grand because he has let Harry run the business into the ground. At first she is sensible and says who cares, but later on -- after a successful date with Dominic leaves her feeling exactly as conflicted as she always does -- decides that moving on with her life means helping Harry anonymously succeed with his dream.
Now, my first question would be, "Who do you think should be our new business manager? Because I think you're pretty fired." But instead, she does it -- not realizing that Harry, while giving Joss some really beautiful advice, has stolen her pregnancy results from Joss and will be ending the episode with a belly full of whiskey and a desire for ill-gotten paternity information.
And then there's Joss, who is getting the cold shoulder from Alex and -- after a few more rounds of employer-employee sex -- learns that Olivier is off to France, his consultation here complete. Somehow she turns her whole horrible life into his fault, as you knew she would, and she heads to Harry's restaurant, where a near-miss sexual assault (which she wakes up having blacked out) gives Harry the subtle clue that all is not great with Joss.
First of all, he explains, her lesbian relationship didn't work out because she is not a gay person. Check. Second of all, it's possible to be both awesome and a trainwreck at the same time, and maybe her first step toward being the great Joss the rest of us love is recognizing it's not the either/or she's always trying to make it. Finally, he says, she is not broken, and thus should give herself permission to act like a grownup a little more often. (Then, like a grownup, he steals Savi's pregnancy results while Joss is vomiting, because Harry Davis is fucking broken.)
As a parting gift, Olivier has made Joss the manager of the entire real estate office, which is the final straw of responsibility, so she quits her job entirely because, as she says, she's getting too good at a thing she hates doing. It's ropy, but her last act is to negotiate a cheap price for a yoga studio Alex can buy, as a farewell gift, and they have a fairly meaty discussion about their relationship and how it went and what it was all about, in which everything you wanted to be said is actually said. Basically the episode is at least 40% Joss ducking her head with tears in her eyes and reacting to the strange new feeling of self-respect that the people in her life keep offering her, and it's wonderful, and she is wonderful, and this show is kind of wonderful.
Next Week: Finale! Everybody tries to murder everybody else with guns and cars. Savannah gets shot in the head? Or maybe in that stupid baby. My other predictions are that April is surprised by something that turns out not to be that surprising, and then somehow Richard gets screwed, Savi picks one guy but then the other guy but then she's not sure, Joss is stable and supportive and a genius but also sexually playful to a distracting/discomfiting degree, and Karen Kim finds herself at the epicenter of, I'm just guessing, total mayhem.
Business manager Jeff suddenly realized Harry's restaurant was close to burning out, and Harry was very in denial about all of it. Karen Kim took advantage of her deposition to confess to everything stupid-ass she has done over the course of the show -- grossing everybody out, particularly business partner Jacob Pollack -- for no real reason except to piss off the Widow Grey. And good old Joss sent her relationship with Alex down in glorious flames. Oh, and Lucy has disappeared.
Cops: "Try to stay calm, Mrs. Malloy."
April: "You stay calm! You!"
April, of course, smashes her way into Paul's ghostly motel room: Occam's Razor and her soap opera life both agree that obviously her dead husband is a kidnapper of children also, and the next time she sees her daughter she will have different-colored hair and be going by some new name and barely remember April existed because of brainwashing. I am not really exaggerating: April goes from zero to sixty pretty fast most of the time, it's true, but the way she fast-forwards through this entire "misplaced my eight-year-old" part straight to "it's so sad that Lucy is dead" is particularly astonishing.
Paul: "Why are you smashing into my ghost motel?"
April: "Where is my daughter?"
Paul: "I don't know? Where is our daughter?"
April: "I don't know! I am going to beat your ass!"
Paul: "I mean, feel free to look around the ghost motel."
April: "She's not here! Sometimes she is invisible!"
Paul: "Instead of acting weird in my motel, we could also go look for her."
April: "It is Miranda Nickelby! She has kidnapped our daughter!"
Paul: "That makes even less sense. You need to slow your roll and think for real."
April: "Okay, the facts are that I don't know where Lucy is. That's pretty much what's going on."
See, you should have called Richard and sent him over there to rough Paul up again, because he loves that shit, and meanwhile you could drive all around looking for Disney events in town, and not have to deal with any of this.
But for all the ways this is a great episode, there are a few cheap leaps and jumps -- in particularly the April storyline -- that are pretty hard to swallow. The endpoint is: How can we get April to fuck Paul by the end of the episode?
Well, Richard drops his phone a lot, so that takes care of him, and then we have Paul and April together, but why? Because Lucy, a preternaturally precocious young lady, has wandered off. Why would she do that? She does love Demi Lovato… let's say Demi Lovato. Okay, then how does that lead to April fucking Paul, though? All that does is make them spend the day together. Well, okay, what if Lucy -- out of fucking nowhere -- reverses her entire course and decides that instead of being in love with Madi and Richard, and completely healthy about her dead dad, suddenly is ambivalent toward them and would prefer to live with a ghost.