All In the Family
We open on a generously sized suburban house, and focus in on the kitchen where a harried Claire (Julie Bowen) is trying to juggle food in the fridge and get her kids to come down for breakfast, while her husband Phil (Ty Burrell) stands by and fiddles with his cell phone. Their daughter Haley (Sarah Hyland) comes downstairs, texting on her phone, and complains about the yelling. Claire takes note of Haley's micro miniskirt and tells her that she's not wearing it. She attempts to get Phil to back her up, but when he glances up from his phone, he tells Haley that she looks really cute. Claire reiterates that it is way too short, "People know you are a girl, you don't need to prove it to them." Younger Daughter Alex (Ariel Winter) says that Luke (Nolan Gould) got his head stuck in the banister again. Phil goes searching for baby oil to free his son from his wooden prison.
In an interview-style segment, Phil & Claire (married 16 years) sit on the couch and Claire says that she was an out of control kid, and doesn't want to see her daughter end up on a beach half-naked and passed out.
On the soccer field Gloria (Sofia Veraga) stands on the sidelines enthusiastically cheering for her son Manny (Rico Rodriguez) while Jay (Ed O'Neill) sits in his tracksuit in a folding chair reading the paper. As Gloria wants to tear the head off of an official, he tells her to take it down a notch. In their interview, Jay & Gloria (married six months) say that they are very different. Gloria says that Jay is from the city and is "big business." She comes from a small village that was poor but beautiful. She proudly says it was the number one village in Columbia for ... She searches for the English word and Jay helpfully fills in, "murders." Charming.
Back on the soccer field, she's screaming like a loon, while Manny stares at a pretty blonde girl on a bike. When a shot gets missed, another parent insists that they take Manny out, but Gloria threatens to take that annoying parent out. She says that her son spent the first half with his hands in his pants, so really she shouldn't talk. A tall and attractive father comes over and says he's wanted to tell off annoying soccer mom for six weeks. He's clearly hitting on her, and then points at Jay and asks if that is her dad. Jay gets offended and says that he's her husband, but he can't actually get out of the lawnchair to chastise Josh properly.
At the airport we see Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) cooing to an adorable little baby girl named Lily. He tells the curious fellow passengers that they just adopted her from Vietnam. One says that he and his wife must be thrilled. At this point Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) walks on with a bag full of snacks. In their interview Mitchell & Cameron (together for five years), talk about how they wanted a baby, so they'd asked a lesbian friend to be a surrogate but figured that lesbians in general were already angry enough, pregnancy would make it far worse.