Momma's Boy Premiere

by Lauren Gitlin December 17, 2008
Winter Pilot Season: Momma’s Boys

Ok I'm back. Now Lorraine's talking to Michael about how she really wants him to meet someone special and yadda yadda. Then she reveals that Michael still lives at home, which is totally the first thing every girl looks for in a man.

Back at Ho Manor, we meet Callie, a button-cute grad student who describes herself as an over-achiever and total daughter-in-law material. Ok then. Oh! Now we get to meet the "Bitch, are you crazy?" girl, Donna. She also happens to be the ex-con, but she assures us she is a non-violent offender. Whatever helps you sleep at night, missus. Then there's Camilla, who announces that her motto is that she never lets anyone steal her sunshine. Aren't mottos supposed to be more pithy than that? Also, isn't that a Len song from 1999? Oooh and Natalie, who cuts right to the chase and says that these momma's boys need to grow a pair. Then she overshares and says that metaphorically speaking she has a huge pair of stainless steel balls. Uh, sexy?

Aaaaaaaaand we're in Jersey! Yay, this is my favorite! It's the Yenta mom (Esther) and her son Rob. Adorable-town! As he waxes on about how great his mom is (she does seem pretty amazing), she starts talking in Yiddish, or gibberish. Either way. We learn that Rob is a successful commercial real estate something or other. As Esther enumerates all the ways in which Rob is a momma's boy (she does his laundry, buys his undies, etc) we get to see a totally rad shot of him from high school with some serious Growing Up Gotti hair. Him for the win.

Back at Ho Manor, we meet Misty, who insists that she is really real, you guys. She does not front. Got that? She tells us that she doesn't see the other girls as threats cuz they're all bimbos. Cue another of those brilliant montages of the bleach-tressed, silicon-enhanced beauties acting like dumdums all over the place. One such bimbo is Meghan, a hair stylist and bartender. Oh hey, she's the one who said "boobs" earlier. Haha. Boobs are funny. And some chick named Nikki who can't really speak. Then we see cute lil' Megan the 26-Year-Old Virgin complimenting someone and saying that she should totally be a model. Aww! Love to her! She gets all earnest and THs that she would totally love to date a momma's boy because it's important for a dude to have a good relationship with his mom. Someone compliments her on her glasses, which she calls her "nerd goggles." And I just totally exploded from warm fuzziness!

The girl who Megan's talking to is named Lynette, and she is ok. She says that girls who try to use sex to get stuff are dumb. Well she doesn't say those exact words but you know what I mean. Cue another montage of the bimbettes talking about their spray tans and their underwear. Point taken, editors!

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