13: Fear Is Real Premiere
Kelly and Lauren blindfold themselves and the minions carefully guide them to a couple of coffins. They have to get inside and get buried alive, Fear Factor-style, and find a way out. They do this, and it would be scary, but after they get into the coffins the minions scurry up and kind of sing-songily pretend to hammer them shut with Tinker Toys for like two seconds before they lower them into the ground and it's all very Gilbert and Sullivan with coffins.
Also, question time! Inside the coffins, seemingly in the ground, but I bet they're not because this show is so fake and also that would be insane, the coffins are making that scary-ass creaky sound they made in Kill Bill 2 and that Alias episode that ripped off Kill Bill 2 where Sydney got buried alive, and I'm wondering how people know that coffins make that sound? That scares me that they know. First time all episode! At minute 53, no less!
Anyway, they struggle and panic inside, and Kelly finds A TRAP DOOR in the BURIED COFFIN and just kind of climbs out of the ground. Easy peasy! She is the winner, and Lauren is dead.
Jigsaw's voice appears out of nowhere and tells Kelly she must return to the cabin and play everyone Lauren's last words video. She tells them being buried alive is horrible, and plays the video. It's so sad! No it isn't. Lauren says she loves them all and Leah starts CRYING, which is just too far. They don't give Oscars for performances in fake reality shows, Leah. How many times do I have to explain to you that the best you're going to get out of this is a walk-on in The Descent 5? Some people.
The next morning, Nasser, Laura and one of the brown-haired guys discover that The Death Box is gone again. Nasser interviews that he is very scared for his life because there is a killer on the loose amongst them. The end!
My god. Let's pretend this never happened, OK? Deal? Deal.
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