Pamie: Pizza's here.
Stee: Dave Chappelle! He's the next Eddie Murphy, back when Eddie Murphy was funny.
Sara M: Oh, my God! The pizza will not fit through the door.
Couch Baron: My God. How big is that?
Pamie: It's big. 28". I didn't think it would be this big. It actually doesn't fit through the door.
Sara M: Turn it on its side! This is hilarious!
Stee: We're not stopping this. We're eating the pizza without hitting pause. We don't stop for the pizza!
Sara M: It won't fit through the door!
Stee: I don't have time. Cut the pizza up and get it through the door.
Pamie: It's heavy!
Stee: Oh, my God. Holy shit.
Sara M: Take a picture of me with the huge pizza!
Djb: That is amazing.
Stee: I'm taking a picture of that. Hey, we're missing the Ying Yang Twins! Haaangh!
Couch Baron: We're taking pictures of our giant pizza because that's far more compelling than anything that's going on onscreen.
Djb: This pizza? Is awesome.
Stee: Dude. Dude, that is crazy.
Djb: This is a funny pizza.
Stee: It's very sad that everyone is ignoring the Ying Yang Twins. The pizza is upstaging them. Okay, Sara and Couch Baron, get together for a picture with the pizza.
Couch Baron: This can be my match.com profile photo.
Pamie: The woman on the phone warned me this would be too much pizza for us.
Stee: This is a song all about leaning back. They got some skeet on their faces.
Djb: The pizza. I mean...
Stee: Pam almost got two of these!
Pamie: I have no concept of 28 inches.
Stee: Whoa! Sorry! I do the best I can.
Pamie: Has anybody ever heard this song before?
Sara M: No.
Pamie: Who is that?
Sara M: Bruce Willis is so gross! He's watching P. Diddy get down.
Pamie: I don't know who anybody is. I don't know who's on stage, or what they're singing, or why everybody likes this song.
Couch Baron: Bruce Willis is not a rap star.
Pamie: Lenny Kravitz.
Couch Baron: Oh, my God! When did Bruce Willis become a grandfather?
Pamie: I can't believe Lenny Kravitz got himself on another awards show.
Stee: Oh, my god. That woman is Alien and Predator.
Couch Baron: And you know what they say: nobody wins.
Stee: That should be the slogan for the VMAs. No matter who wins, we all lose. Is that Hilary Duff?
Sara M: It's Beyoncé.
Stee: She's got a Duff face.
Couch Baron: Brandy looks like Gabrielle Union if Gabrielle Union lost about sixty pounds.
Stee: I like Gabrielle Union.
Couch Baron: Yeah, me too.
Pamie: Whatever. You've just been fired from the site, Couch Baron.
Couch Baron: To clarify, I don't think she needs to lose any weight at all.
Stee: Who is that?
Djb: She pretends she doesn't know she won.
Stee: You know what's great about Alicia Keys? She has a book of poetry coming out. Yeah. File that right behind Jewel.
Djb: And look what it did for her career.
Pamie: Actually, alphabetically it would be right behind Jewel.
Stee: Jewel, Keyes, Morrison.
Pamie: No, Jewel, Keyes, Lennon, Morrison.
Djb: Morisette, Morrison.
Sara M: Wait? What did I do? Why am I on the list?
Pamie: Not you, Morrison.
Stee: See, there was a band a long time ago called The Doors, back at a time known as The Sixties.
Djb: Shhh! Manservant Bentley is on the phone!
Stee: Haaangh! "Sorry, that's my call waiting." Haaangh!
Back. Dave Chappelle comes out. He says hi to friends in the audience. He then yells at them for being too loud. He thanks MTV for putting him on live TV, and says it's the biggest mistake they've made since they let Janet Jackson on the Super Bowl. Wow. Old school jokes. Maybe he'll do some Monica Lewinsky material. He does some inside stuff from his Comedy Central show and then sort of insults the crowd. Good. He should. Then he introduces the Terror Squad, featuring Fat Joe, Petey Pablo (?), the Ying Yang Twins, and Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz. Wow. That's a lot of people. They're doing "Get Low" or whatever. Yelling "Skeet" all over the place. The choreography resembles nothing so much as a gang rape with a whole bunch of guys standing around ordering this one dancer woman to do things as they're yelling. Horrible song. Horrible song. It moves into "Lean Back," we think. It's really difficult to tell which song is which. But Fat Joe is out there being Fat and Joe and there's a lot of swearing they have to beep out. "Get Low" and "Lean Back." What's their next song? "Take A Nap"? For some inexplicable reaction Bruce Willis keeps dancing with Puffy in the audience. Wow. This is really shit rap. Just total shit rap. Awful. Skill-less and awful. It ends and everyone yells a lot.