MONDO EXTRAS

Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: No.
Pamie: I miss when he sang the Bartles and Jaymes theme song.
Stee: What? Good luck finding a link for that.
Couch Baron: No, it was Seagrams.
Pamie: That's right. "It's wet and it's dry!"
Pamie and Djb: "My, my, my, my, my!"
Pamie: Ha. Dan and I were home on the same Friday nights.
Djb: And then we went to watch Sara M be born.
Pamie: I remember that.
Djb: Great day.

Gwen Stefani and Owen Wilson come out. Boy. This is going to be good. What a dream pairing. People pretend to be excited as Gwen starts talking about the Best Rock Video Award. Owen says that the Supreme Court decides in the event of a tie. What? Is that a joke? He goes on to say something about Clarence Thomas liking Michael Bolton. Owen Wilson is going to wake up tomorrow to find a boot on his car. People are going apeshit and we have to believe the Ying Yang twins are doing something funny just off-camera because this can't be for Owen Wilson. The nominees. "The Reason" (Hoobastank). "My Immortal" (Evanescence). "Are You Going To Be My Girl" (Jet). "Breaking The Habit" (Linkin Park). "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" (The Darkness). The winner is Jet. The drummer, looking very drunk and very Spinal Tap stands up and makes out with this girlfriend before they all come up on stage. The drunk drummer dedicates the award to his dead dad. Oh. That makes us feel bad. La La talks to Fat Joe back stage. Lillard babbles, lisping all over the place and lying that people were yelling his name when he made his entrance. Commercials.

Couch Baron: Wait. Did they successfully surgically remove Owen Wilson from Ben Stiller's side?
Stee: No, they surgically removed his fist from his ass.
Djb: Right now, 35,000 feet above this house, people are watching him on a movie screen. I guarantee it.
Stee: The Hoobastank guy looks even more Asian when he's singing.
Sara M: Well, of course.
Stee: "Of course"?
Stee: God. When is Linkin Park going to be done?
Djb: I know every one one of these, you guys! What category is this?
Sara M: Songs Djb knows.
Stee: You're right. Everybody's wearing pink. Pink is the new...

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Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards

Pamie: Pizza's here.
Stee: Dave Chappelle! He's the next Eddie Murphy, back when Eddie Murphy was funny.
Sara M: Oh, my God! The pizza will not fit through the door.

VMA Pizza of Hugeness


Couch Baron: My God. How big is that?
Pamie: It's big. 28". I didn't think it would be this big. It actually doesn't fit through the door.
Sara M: Turn it on its side! This is hilarious!
Stee: We're not stopping this. We're eating the pizza without hitting pause. We don't stop for the pizza!
Sara M: It won't fit through the door!
Stee: I don't have time. Cut the pizza up and get it through the door.
Pamie: It's heavy!
Stee: Oh, my God. Holy shit.
Sara M: Take a picture of me with the huge pizza!
Djb: That is amazing.
Stee: I'm taking a picture of that. Hey, we're missing the Ying Yang Twins! Haaangh!
Couch Baron: We're taking pictures of our giant pizza because that's far more compelling than anything that's going on onscreen.
Djb: This pizza? Is awesome.
Stee: Dude. Dude, that is crazy.
Djb: This is a funny pizza.

VMA Pizza of Hugeness


Stee: It's very sad that everyone is ignoring the Ying Yang Twins. The pizza is upstaging them. Okay, Sara and Couch Baron, get together for a picture with the pizza.
Couch Baron: This can be my match.com profile photo.
Pamie: The woman on the phone warned me this would be too much pizza for us.
Stee: This is a song all about leaning back. They got some skeet on their faces.
Djb: The pizza. I mean...
Stee: Pam almost got two of these!
Pamie: I have no concept of 28 inches.
Stee: Whoa! Sorry! I do the best I can.
Pamie: Has anybody ever heard this song before?
Sara M: No.
Pamie: Who is that?
Sara M: Bruce Willis is so gross! He's watching P. Diddy get down.
Pamie: I don't know who anybody is. I don't know who's on stage, or what they're singing, or why everybody likes this song.

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