MONDO EXTRAS

Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards

Sara M: Oh, my God. They just likened Marvin Gaye to Alicia Keys.
Couch Baron: Is her mom going to shoot her now?
Stee: Oh, man. Jesus. That's it.
Couch Baron: Hey! I stayed away from the dad thing, because you guys got all offended. I could have said, "Is her fat mother going to shoot her?"
Stee: I really am confused why Sara got so mad that I called Usher's mom fat.
Djb: Did Alicia Keys get a perm between her last award and this performance?
Sara M: She busted out the Ogilvie backstage.
Pamie: That spelling I think I'll have to look up.
Stee: I wish Alicia Keys could give me a home perm.
Pamie: I hope she pulls out a cell phone from her piano for the break.
Sara M: "Hello? No, I got to wash out my perm, hold on. Can you hear me now? I don't want any breakage."
Couch Baron: I don't understand. Is she still playing the piano when she's on the phone?
Pamie: It is the worst.
Sara M: And you think it's going to be over, and then it's not. She's like, "Hold on. Okay, I'm back."
Djb: "If I lose you, it's because I'm in the canyon."
Stee: "Wait. I got call waiting. Wait. Let me put on my headset."
Pamie: Oh, no.
Stee: Oh, Jesus. It's Stevie Wonder.
Sara M: How can he be there when he just died?
Stee: Hey. Hey, hey, HEY. No, Sara. Come on. Seriously.
Sara M: Oh, look. He's really there. He's not dead.
Stee: Let me tell you a bit about music.
Couch Baron: That's Ray Charles.

Sara M: Sometimes they forget Stevie Wonder's on stage. They did that at a VMA in the past. It was funny.
Stee: We know, Sara. We've recapped all the VMAs ever. I know you have fond childhood memories of recaps past. But we were like, there. Just leave this to the pros, girl.
Couch Baron: I'd like to point out how rendered speechless Djb is by this whole spectacle.
Sara M: What is Stevie Wonder doing up there?
Djb: He's jamming it on the one.
Pamie: "Robert! " There's Lenny Kravitz again. Everything I've ever recapped has Lenny Kravitz in it.
Djb: I feel like, if you have Stevie Wonder up there, why would you be like, "And now some completely untalented other African-Americans!"

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Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards

Stee: Is Farnsworth off the phone yet?
Pamie: He appears to be done with his call.
Couch Baron: Oh, Asslee.
Stee: We only have fifty minutes left!
Pamie: Jesus.
Stee: P Diddy is introducing Ma$e again.
Djb: It's important to vote because P. Diddy will kill you if you don't. Or is he Mr. T now?
Couch Baron: Apparently those Seagrams wine coolers make you do dumb things.
Stee: What the fuck is happening? I'm gonna burn my Black Eyed Peas CD next to my Cat Stevens CD. This Beyoncé song is the best song of the past year. I love this song. "Naughty Girl" is awesome.
Djb: I know these songs aren't from this year.
Stee: Everyone take a guess what Weird Al Yankovic's "Yeah" parody will be.
Sara M: Yankovic?
Pamie: I'll tell you later. Britney's been shut out.
Stee: She don't care. She's got Cheeto goo all over her these days. Bruce Willis just said "What's up?" to Lil Jon.
Pamie: "Who are you? Where am I? What year is this?"
Stee: "Where is Cybill Shepherd?"
Pamie: "Who am I?"
Sara M: I can't believe you called Usher's mom fat.
Stee: You are Usher's mom's biggest fan.
Sara M: I have her album.
Couch Baron: Sara heard Usher's mom reads TWoP.
Sara M: I just don't want her going out like that.
Stee: Ussah's making up names for friends. There's no Tamika. He's just shouting out black names now.
Djb: Oh, no.
Couch Baron: No!
Sara M: Stee!
Pamie: The views of Stee do not necessarily represent those of Television Without Pity nor its affiliates, or Yahoo Communications Group, or me.
Djb: He is just mentioning other black people now. Keep going for hours. "Ellen Cleghorne."
Stee: Kim Wayans.
Djb: Tootie, What UP!?!
Stee: The black lady from Night Court.
Sara M: Marsha Warfield!
Djb: Marshawarfield.com is getting crazy hits now!
Stee: "I got eleven hits today!"
Djb: Because everyone in this room checked it twice.
Couch Baron: "Props out to Nell Carter."
Pamie: This is the longest acceptance speech.
Sara M: I don't even know what he won anymore.

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