Pamie: Is Jay-Z winning a Video Vanguard award?
Couch Baron: And here I thought we'd get through three hours without the word "bling."
Pamie: I'm just gonna say it. Dave Chappelle isn't funny. And did Jay-Z win something, or were they just talking about him for a while? I don't understand what's happening. What's a JoJo?
Stee: Oh, my God. I'm not gonna make the joke. No, I am. "I got my first period at the VMAs!" Look at her lime green Uggs.
Couch Baron: She said "Olympic bling." God. I totally called it.
Jojo comes out. She makes the Olsens look over the hill. Jojo says she has some people in the house all the way from Greece, "complete with Olympic bling." Egh. A swimmer comes out. The beach volleyball girls. And then the gymnastics girl. Jojo then does the nominees for Viewer's Choice Award. "The Voice Within" (Christina Aguilera). "Perfect" (Simple Plan). "Breaking The Habit" (Linkin Park). "Hold On" (Good Charlotte). "Ocean Avenue" (Yellowcard). Jojo keeps laughing as the giant athletes stand behind her. They announce the winner. Linkin Park. A few of the guys go up, including some big fat guy who doesn't look like a band member. Some guy talks. It might be the director, Joseph Kahn. The fat guy is his producer. No, I guess it's not Kahn. Oh, who cares? No one. Beasties talk. Commercials.
Djb: Where's Usher's mom now?
Stee: I figured it out. Usher's mom used to babysit Sara.
Stee: Oh, a while ago. Like, ten whole years ago.
Couch Baron: Hee!
Pamie: Damn. Linkin Park won.
Stee: I'm fast-forwarding your fucking, fucking, stupid fucking fuck retarded fucking asses.
Djb: When will this thing be over?
Pamie: Ugh! I wish I was drunker!
Sara M: Pam, look! The pizza box won't fit down your hallway.
Pamie: Oh, man. Is that sad for the hallway or my pizza?
Sara M: Hope you don't get hungry in bed later, because that pizza won't ever make it out of the living room.
Stee: I can't believe we're having to watch the post-show to get the rest of the show. This is too fucking long. Fucking Gwyneth Paltrow and her stupid fucking baby. Dumbshit baby.
Sara M: I love her fake British accent now.
Stee: She has Apple sauce on her shirt.
Pamie: She has shitty music on her shirt, too.
Stee: Gospely rock kind of. Mandy Moore loves Jesus. Dude. She bought The Passion yesterday on DVD.
Pamie: This band...it's like a high school theatre group did --
Pamie: Yes, and then they were like, "You guys? Let's never stop making music together! Let's never break up!"
Djb: "I love you guys!"
Stee: "Let's do Pippin!"
Sara M: "I don't want to go to college."
Pamie: This is frightening.
Djb: With David Arquette on drums. What the fuck is going on?
Pamie: This is weird.
Stee: This is more chaotic than Usher's performance. I understood Lil Jon better than I do this shit.
Pamie: How can the Movie Awards have better production values than the Video Music Awards?
Djb: Wasn't that the one with the man in the box under the podium? Where we were horribly offended?
Pamie: Yeah, but at least that one had a sense of humor...or personality, or...I mean...aw, fuck it.
Djb: You're nostalgic for anything we're not watching now.
Pamie: Anything else.
Stee: They have a Theremin and a French horn. That's awesome.
Sara M: The lead singer is floating like Creed!
Pamie: Don't say "Creed" in the new house, Sara.
Stee: Hey, where's the bee girl? Is she coming out soon?
Pamie: Big finish, y'all.
Stee: That's it?
Djb: I think something bad happened.
Stee: Oh, yeah. That's a problem. Ugh. When will this end?
Couch Baron: Is Asslee proof that nose jobs should run in the family?
Stee: This is the sound of the VMAs. "Ugh."
Couch Baron: So is Asslee keeping her hair on 7th Heaven?
Sara M: Dude, she's off the show! Because her album went platinum.
Pamie: Such a great beginning of a sentence, and then it ends sad.
Sara M: I know.
Pamie: Ashlee Simpson.
Stee: She was on what show?
Sara M: My show.
Stee: Was she really?
Sara M: Stars don't just happen, Stee. They have to come from somewhere.
Stee: Didn't I recap Newlyweds? Why didn't I know that? I should pay more attention. Hey, I can't wait for Catwoman to come out. Maybe I can come to the premiere.