Pamie: There's Farnsworth Bentley dancing. Hope he doesn't get a phone call. He drops everything for a phone call.
Sara M: He's got voicemail, Pam.
Djb: "You have reached the New York Office of Farnsworth Bentley. "
Pamie: "If this is an emergency, please don't call Puff."
Sara M: Vote for Oukast, y'all. Or die.
Pamie: I hope Outkast wins the Republican National Convention.
Djb: What is happening? Am I awake?
Pamie: For the record, Stee and Couch Baron have abandoned this year's VMAs. We just have to make it to Kurt Loder. Kurt Loder means it's all over! "Hee-hee-hee-ha! I'm Kurt Loder, and we've got a screamtastic VMAs this year!"
Stee: "Kurt Loder needs brains!"
Pamie: "Now who's an Outkast? Mee-hee-hee-haaaah!"
Stee: I can't believe they're doing highlights of the ceremony while they're at the ceremony. Pam, let's do the highlights of our recap immediately after our recap.
Pamie: There was a highlight when Sara showed up.
Sara M: And the pizza!
Pamie: Big ups to the pizza, what-WHAT!
Stee: Cheesy Bread!
Couch Baron: Djb's reality-show gossip.
Pamie: Too Hot for TWoP!
Djb: I'm gonna put a blowjob on my wish list from C-BEEEEEEEP!
Stee: Can we put spoiler tags over the recap?
Pamie: There he is! It's Kurt Loder!
Stee: Where is he? They've got him like, ten miles away.
Couch Baron: He's living with Dick Clark now, I think.
Sara M: He lives with Tabitha Soren, and they have deformed babies.
Stee: "Deformed babies"? All right, y'all. Peace out, VMAs 2004, what-what-what-Haaaangh!
Djb: Don't let the pizza box hit you on the way out.
Pamie: The sweet relief of Kurt Loder. Let it wash over us.
Djb: I can't believe I spent more time recapping this than this week's Six Feet Under. And I'm not getting paid for either.
Sara M: You get paid to recap?
Stee and Pamie: Haaangh!
Djb: Where's Usher's mom now?
Stee: I figured it out. Usher's mom used to babysit Sara.
Stee: Oh, a while ago. Like, ten whole years ago.
Couch Baron: Hee!
Pamie: Damn. Linkin Park won.
Stee: I'm fast-forwarding your fucking, fucking, stupid fucking fuck retarded fucking asses.
Djb: When will this thing be over?
Pamie: Ugh! I wish I was drunker!
Sara M: Pam, look! The pizza box won't fit down your hallway.
Pamie: Oh, man. Is that sad for the hallway or my pizza?
Sara M: Hope you don't get hungry in bed later, because that pizza won't ever make it out of the living room.
Stee: I can't believe we're having to watch the post-show to get the rest of the show. This is too fucking long. Fucking Gwyneth Paltrow and her stupid fucking baby. Dumbshit baby.
Sara M: I love her fake British accent now.
Stee: She has Apple sauce on her shirt.
Pamie: She has shitty music on her shirt, too.
Gwyneth comes out to the sound of her husband's crap fake-Radiohead band. Video of the Year. "99 Problems" (Jay-Z). "Hey Ya" (Outkast). "Yeah" (Usher f/ Lil Jon & Ludacris). "My Band" (D12). "Toxic" (Britney Spears). The winner is Outkast. Someone jumps up and tells everyone to Vote or Die. Then Big Boi thanks Jesus Christ and his mom.
Pamie: Who went down on time? I went down on The Time -- Prince still didn't put me in his video.
Djb: Good night, everyone!
Sara M: Yeah!
Stee: I was gonna be part of the Polyphonic Spree but then Sweettarts got mad. I said, "Sweettarts got mad!"
Djb: Bah-dah-dah-dah-da-DAH! Bah-dah-dah-da-da-da.
Sara M: This time Britney's gonna win! Woo!
Pamie: She can't win. She has a baby.
Stee: She's busy with her husband's baby's mama.
John Mellencamp and the Evanescence chick. He talks about Bob Dylan and Woody Guthrie and then about voting and how you have to stand for something in life. Gothy goth announces a performance by Outkast.
Pamie: John Cougar Mellencamp? Who's he gonna vote for, George Washington?
Stee: "Somebody tell me who this creepy Goth whore in a corset is next to me."
Pamie: "Who am I? What am I doing here? What year is it? Bruce Willis, did you wander on stage again?"