MONDO EXTRAS

Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: I don't know a lot about media, but I'm guessing that Paramount, who put out Without A Paddle, and MTV are both owned by Viacom. I'm just making a guess here.
Pamie: As is my book, which is why I can't say anything disparaging about the wonderful channel known as MTV and the delightful Matthew Lillard, star of Without a Paddle, throughout this recap. I like that you put the tape player between your legs so we have to talk into your crotch.
Stee: That's the idea. What's this song?
Pamie: Beastie Boys.
Stee: Oh, yeah. "Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Manhattan!" See? We're cool.
Couch Baron: And I know being gay, I view everything in terms of looks and sexuality and all, but Matthew Lillard is not a good-looking guy at all.
Stee: You just proved what you said.
Pamie: There's been a lot less of 50 Cent this year.
Stee: He's been relaxing with Beyoncé. It's good to know you can retire for like, ten years and still get nominated for a VMA. 50 Cent hasn't been out forever.
Couch Baron: Is Notorious B.I.G. up for anything?
Stee: Ying Yang Twins!
Pamie: See? That's what's confusing. They're all in this video. And two of them have the same hair.
Stee: Haaaangh!
Pamie: But not the twins. Do you see where my confusion comes in?
Stee: Dude, they're the East Side Boyz! And those are the Ying Yang Twins.
Couch Baron: I still haven't gotten past the extra "G." I'm with you, Pam. I'm getting old.
Stee: Lillard looks vaguely retarded.
Pamie: "Vaguely"?
Couch Baron: Such a great excuse to play the song again.
Stee: So does Jay-Z. Oh, shit. Please don't print that, I'll get killed.
Pamie: We've been calling Jay-Z a crackbaby face for years.
Stee: He is a crackbaby face. Him and Sam Cassell.
Pamie: He's a bit of a mouth-breather. That just got me shot.
Stee: Look how Lil Jon has a little version of the goblet he always carries. It's like the travel version of his goblet.
Pamie: It's a collapsible goblet.
Stee: From REI.

For some reason, they drag Shakira out. Maybe Charo was unavailable. Shakira lies that when she heard that three of the world's best rock bands would be playing, she had to be there. No, her publicist begged MTV for three months to let her announce something until they finally relented. From Florida, Yellowcard; from California, Hoobastank; and from Australia, Jet. All three bands will be playing a medley. That's so sad for rock and roll. Usher gets ten minutes to play, and each band will get thirty seconds. Long live rock and roll!

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Comments

Miami Lukewarm

by Pamie September 4, 2004
2004 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: It's true. The gays love making out with each other. Lillard and Duff. Finally together.
Couch Baron: Is Lillard now more of a star than Seth Green?
Stee: I think so. Oh, Lillard's gonna make a wacky entrance!
Couch Baron: Oh, Lillard in the hizzouse!
Pamie: Who would go crazy for Matthew Lillard?
Stee: Drop him! Please drop him!
Pamie: That's just dangerous. Oh, my God. I'm so old, you guys.
Stee: Drop him! Drop Lillard!
Couch Baron: Pam, you know they used to have these things called Mosh Pits, and you didn't even get a raft.
Stee: I don't know a lot about media, but I'm guessing that Paramount, who put out Without A Paddle, and MTV are both owned by Viacom. I'm just making a guess here.
Pamie: As is my book, which is why I can't say anything disparaging about the wonderful channel known as MTV and the delightful Matthew Lillard, star of Without a Paddle, throughout this recap. I like that you put the tape player between your legs so we have to talk into your crotch.
Stee: That's the idea. What's this song?
Pamie: Beastie Boys.
Stee: Oh, yeah. "Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Manhattan!" See? We're cool.
Couch Baron: And I know being gay, I view everything in terms of looks and sexuality and all, but Matthew Lillard is not a good-looking guy at all.
Stee: You just proved what you said.
Pamie: There's been a lot less of 50 Cent this year.
Stee: He's been relaxing with Beyoncé. It's good to know you can retire for like, ten years and still get nominated for a VMA. 50 Cent hasn't been out forever.
Couch Baron: Is Notorious B.I.G. up for anything?
Stee: Ying Yang Twins!
Pamie: See? That's what's confusing. They're all in this video. And two of them have the same hair.
Stee: Haaaangh!
Pamie: But not the twins. Do you see where my confusion comes in?
Stee: Dude, they're the East Side Boyz! And those are the Ying Yang Twins.
Couch Baron: I still haven't gotten past the extra "G." I'm with you, Pam. I'm getting old.
Stee: Lillard looks vaguely retarded.
Pamie: "Vaguely"?
Couch Baron: Such a great excuse to play the song again.
Stee: So does Jay-Z. Oh, shit. Please don't print that, I'll get killed.

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