It's Britney, Bitch

by Lauren Gitlin September 8, 2008
2008 MTV VMAs

More schtick about how nobody knows who he is: "I happen to know you don't know who I am. I am famous in the United Kingdom. My persona don't work without fame. This hairdo might come across as mental illness." He's funny, this guy. British humor. It's subtle, see?

Now he's getting political, asking people to vote Obama on behalf of the world. Pan to audience -- Chris Brown and Britney cheering. T-Pain is wearing a crazy Music Man bandleader from the ghetto get-up. Very Resort '09. RB does a bit about Palin being a VILF -- a "vice president I'd like to fondle." And then goes on about Palin's daughter's dude being scared into abstinence. I can tell this is gonna be a recurring theme throughout the evening. Oh, snap, he is making fun of the Jonas Brothers and their promise rings, saying they ought to wear them on their genitals! First off, doesn't he know that messing with the JBs means he is gonna get smote by God? And secondly the word genitals is really gross. Just an observation. Moving on.

RB is really giving it to the Jonas Brothers, saying that their decision to forego all the rock star poon that is undoubtedly thrown at them is like "Superman deciding not to fly." He has a point.

The first presenter is Jamie Foxx, who is obnoxious as hell as he says what up to various and sundry rapper folks in the audience. He thinks he is very hot shit. He's introducing the Best Female Video category. He actually just said "Give it up for the ladies!" Jesus. And the nominees are:
Britney Spears, "Piece of Me"
Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl"
Rihanna, "Take a Bow"
Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body"
Jordin Sparks, "No Air"

And the winner is Britney, bitch! Aww, she's saying that "this is a honor!" She's thanking the Holy Trinity: God, her family and her fans.

Now we see Pete Wentz backstage with ew, ew, ew, ew Heidi and Spencer. Wentz is explaining the Best New Artist category, which is voted for by viewers. Wentz asks Speidi to create amalgam names for all the nominees. They are dumb, but to his credit Spencer does say something about a pineapple. Who doesn't love pineapples? The nominees for this dumbass category are:
Jordin Sparks
Katy Perry
Taylor Swift
Miley Cyrus
Tokio Hotel

Our first commercial break. They're really pimping this new Christina Aguilera fragrance. I bet it captures the scent of a gross trannie hooker! Also there's a promo for Paris Hilton's show My New BFF. It looks awesome! (Opposites day!)

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