MONDO EXTRAS

A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Family First

Amy shows Phil a scary giant oil painting of her mom -- Amy's mom was the one of the first women to graduate from Harvard, and the first female Connecticut judge. Phil waxes poetic about how her legacy lives on, even though she is played by that one lady. Cagney. Lacey? Ugh. You know the one. What did Amy's mom give her? The best thing my mom gave me was her optimism. Don't judge her for that answer! Lots of pictures of Patricia Heaton's freakishly beautiful children. If Phil asked Patricia's sons what her biggest gift to them was, she thinks they would say that they feel love and that she talks to them and spends time with them every night. Phil asks in a very Socrates of Daytime way if it matters whether she's home all the time, as long as they can have time together. Phil decides that she is a good mother because she can balance it effectively. Who cares how you feel about Patricia Heaton's life, Dr. Phil? She's like, "Uh, thanks."

Will Smith's two sons, he reports, are "the polar opposites of my personality." Guh? So, see, one is a "goal-oriented people person." I call that one the Fresh Prince. "I like modeling [I think?], and taking pictures," he states. He's very cute. Celebrities have cute kids. ["Not Billy Joel." -- Sars] So far that's all I've learned from Dr. Phil. That, and I should stop wetting the bed and setting fire to it. The other one of Will Smith's kids is "emotional," and the chicks dig him. I call that one the...what was Will Smith's role where he was charming? Drawing a blank. Wasn't he in a movie in a wheelchair? That's emotional. Or no, he was pretty charming in Six Degrees of Separation, but he was also fifteen degrees of crazy in that one. Stockard Channing kept calling him Paul in that weird accent of hers, like Pwoll. Will Smith is the only celebrity who out-and-out describes his children as extensions of himself, which is so Will Smith to do. I think Will Smith's wife says something here but I got really nervous because I couldn't remember which one he ended up married to and she flashed by really fast and I didn't want to get the name wrong and spyware ate my internet so I can't check. I'm going to call her Jada, though. Jada says something at this point about motherhood or something. It's nice. Jada is the polar opposites of my personality, along with Susan Powter.

Bette Midler always tries to make sure her daughter understands that people who are not Bette Midler or her immediate family sometimes have pain and suffering in their lives, and that her life "is not real life." That's about a hundred times more reality than I thought Bette Midler was capable of, which is really refreshing. That's about the coolest thing any celebrity has said tonight, besides Cher. Robert Redford wants his kids to make choices that come from their real selves, whatever that means. Who cares. It sounds nice. He's so "Sundance" all the time, like if you went to the resort he'd be there and want to give you massages and talk about your feelings. Albeit in a manly way.

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A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Family First

Amy shows Phil a scary giant oil painting of her mom -- Amy's mom was the one of the first women to graduate from Harvard, and the first female Connecticut judge. Phil waxes poetic about how her legacy lives on, even though she is played by that one lady. Cagney. Lacey? Ugh. You know the one. What did Amy's mom give her? The best thing my mom gave me was her optimism. Don't judge her for that answer! Lots of pictures of Patricia Heaton's freakishly beautiful children. If Phil asked Patricia's sons what her biggest gift to them was, she thinks they would say that they feel love and that she talks to them and spends time with them every night. Phil asks in a very Socrates of Daytime way if it matters whether she's home all the time, as long as they can have time together. Phil decides that she is a good mother because she can balance it effectively. Who cares how you feel about Patricia Heaton's life, Dr. Phil? She's like, "Uh, thanks."

Will Smith's two sons, he reports, are "the polar opposites of my personality." Guh? So, see, one is a "goal-oriented people person." I call that one the Fresh Prince. "I like modeling [I think?], and taking pictures," he states. He's very cute. Celebrities have cute kids. ["Not Billy Joel." -- Sars] So far that's all I've learned from Dr. Phil. That, and I should stop wetting the bed and setting fire to it. The other one of Will Smith's kids is "emotional," and the chicks dig him. I call that one the...what was Will Smith's role where he was charming? Drawing a blank. Wasn't he in a movie in a wheelchair? That's emotional. Or no, he was pretty charming in Six Degrees of Separation, but he was also fifteen degrees of crazy in that one. Stockard Channing kept calling him Paul in that weird accent of hers, like Pwoll. Will Smith is the only celebrity who out-and-out describes his children as extensions of himself, which is so Will Smith to do. I think Will Smith's wife says something here but I got really nervous because I couldn't remember which one he ended up married to and she flashed by really fast and I didn't want to get the name wrong and spyware ate my internet so I can't check. I'm going to call her Jada, though. Jada says something at this point about motherhood or something. It's nice. Jada is the polar opposites of my personality, along with Susan Powter.

Bette Midler always tries to make sure her daughter understands that people who are not Bette Midler or her immediate family sometimes have pain and suffering in their lives, and that her life "is not real life." That's about a hundred times more reality than I thought Bette Midler was capable of, which is really refreshing. That's about the coolest thing any celebrity has said tonight, besides Cher. Robert Redford wants his kids to make choices that come from their real selves, whatever that means. Who cares. It sounds nice. He's so "Sundance" all the time, like if you went to the resort he'd be there and want to give you massages and talk about your feelings. Albeit in a manly way.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27Next

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