MONDO EXTRAS

A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Family First

After they learned to breathe and dance and watch a man go crazy right in front of them, they went home and stopped eating junk food. They ate "good healthy protein" and fruits and vegetables. They ate "blueberries and eggs before a test." What? I rewound six times to make sure I heard that shit right. Even before they went back to have their next IQ test, though, they already knew they were smarter. They could just feel it. Justin went from a D- to an A in math in four weeks, and he says, "I don't daydream...at all, anymore." It's heartbreaking and weird but mostly hilarious. John's, um, breathing more these days, I guess. Avoiding that not-breathing he was doing. Krysha says to herself, over and over, "I can do the best I can," and she seems much happier. I actually have no doubt that those things worked, because they are crazy and obvious, just like children are crazy and obvious.

Phil talks to the Moms, on set, telling them that the IQ scores he's about to reveal take into account the six-point "practice effect" of seeming smarter because you aren't bewildered by the test. Or the Mensa guy. Every tool's a weapon, if you hold it right, so let's reveal those scores in front of God and everybody. That won't fuck anybody up, huh? John's IQ went up 15 points, Krysha 17, and Justin 24. This is absurdly meaningless but everybody claps anyway. I guess it's better to be a samurai than just a...guy who breathes, I guess.

Okay, back to the horrible Horvath family from the beginning, meaning there's hope this will be over soon. "Prior to Dr. Phil's visit," says Mighty Nightie the Murderous Mommy, "I felt stress, I felt resentment; I was angry and I showed it." Rehash of all that stuff from before, in a video blender of anger and stress and resentment. The best thing Dr. Phil taught Mommy was...that it is not okay to yell or curse or fight. Nobody else ever told Mommy this secret fact. Just Dr. Phil. Their youngest daughter says that Mom indeed yells less. Nicole says Mom "sees the big picture now" and she's much better. On to Dad: Now I'm supposed to be a father. Oh dude, Phil wasn't kidding about the whole "first family in America to read my book" thing: they don't even have a bound copy, it's a three-ring binder. That's pretty cool. Anyway, Dad was really hurt hearing Derek talking about how horrible his life is. It was the first time he'd heard that stuff, what with refusing to talk to his son for the last year. He sat down and proved Mom wrong by apologizing...on camera. I wonder if he stopped ignoring Derek "in protest" too. How funny would that be? And it makes me wonder if she knew that, like if she said Dad didn't "have it in him" to be a man and apologize, he'd do it. I believe she can do anything, as long as it's terrible and self-centered.

Dad goes on and on with Derek about how he's not disappointed by him, and he hopes he's okay with starting a new, different relationship. Derek says, in his strange way, "I think it's going to be a welcome change," like a young businessman, and then hugs his dad. In interview, he says it really meant a lot to him. This kid's vocabulary, like, the way he expresses himself? Is really charming. Dad bought a go-cart and they're playing with it, and talking to each other every day. They are really enjoying their time together. Endless footage of the father-son enjoyment. It is through the roof! All Derek wanted was a relationship with his Dad. You can totally see him blooming on camera like one of those night jasmine time-lapse videos. I hate this man for doing this to his kid in the first place. They are really having a very candidly awesome fun time. They go river rafting and fishing and whatnot. Derek's favorite part was sitting around the campfire, talking. We see Dad apologize to him, again. They jump on the trampoline together. I wonder if Dad is intimidated doing that, considering Derek went all the way to State.

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Comments

A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Family First

After they learned to breathe and dance and watch a man go crazy right in front of them, they went home and stopped eating junk food. They ate "good healthy protein" and fruits and vegetables. They ate "blueberries and eggs before a test." What? I rewound six times to make sure I heard that shit right. Even before they went back to have their next IQ test, though, they already knew they were smarter. They could just feel it. Justin went from a D- to an A in math in four weeks, and he says, "I don't daydream...at all, anymore." It's heartbreaking and weird but mostly hilarious. John's, um, breathing more these days, I guess. Avoiding that not-breathing he was doing. Krysha says to herself, over and over, "I can do the best I can," and she seems much happier. I actually have no doubt that those things worked, because they are crazy and obvious, just like children are crazy and obvious.

Phil talks to the Moms, on set, telling them that the IQ scores he's about to reveal take into account the six-point "practice effect" of seeming smarter because you aren't bewildered by the test. Or the Mensa guy. Every tool's a weapon, if you hold it right, so let's reveal those scores in front of God and everybody. That won't fuck anybody up, huh? John's IQ went up 15 points, Krysha 17, and Justin 24. This is absurdly meaningless but everybody claps anyway. I guess it's better to be a samurai than just a...guy who breathes, I guess.

Okay, back to the horrible Horvath family from the beginning, meaning there's hope this will be over soon. "Prior to Dr. Phil's visit," says Mighty Nightie the Murderous Mommy, "I felt stress, I felt resentment; I was angry and I showed it." Rehash of all that stuff from before, in a video blender of anger and stress and resentment. The best thing Dr. Phil taught Mommy was...that it is not okay to yell or curse or fight. Nobody else ever told Mommy this secret fact. Just Dr. Phil. Their youngest daughter says that Mom indeed yells less. Nicole says Mom "sees the big picture now" and she's much better. On to Dad: Now I'm supposed to be a father. Oh dude, Phil wasn't kidding about the whole "first family in America to read my book" thing: they don't even have a bound copy, it's a three-ring binder. That's pretty cool. Anyway, Dad was really hurt hearing Derek talking about how horrible his life is. It was the first time he'd heard that stuff, what with refusing to talk to his son for the last year. He sat down and proved Mom wrong by apologizing...on camera. I wonder if he stopped ignoring Derek "in protest" too. How funny would that be? And it makes me wonder if she knew that, like if she said Dad didn't "have it in him" to be a man and apologize, he'd do it. I believe she can do anything, as long as it's terrible and self-centered.

Dad goes on and on with Derek about how he's not disappointed by him, and he hopes he's okay with starting a new, different relationship. Derek says, in his strange way, "I think it's going to be a welcome change," like a young businessman, and then hugs his dad. In interview, he says it really meant a lot to him. This kid's vocabulary, like, the way he expresses himself? Is really charming. Dad bought a go-cart and they're playing with it, and talking to each other every day. They are really enjoying their time together. Endless footage of the father-son enjoyment. It is through the roof! All Derek wanted was a relationship with his Dad. You can totally see him blooming on camera like one of those night jasmine time-lapse videos. I hate this man for doing this to his kid in the first place. They are really having a very candidly awesome fun time. They go river rafting and fishing and whatnot. Derek's favorite part was sitting around the campfire, talking. We see Dad apologize to him, again. They jump on the trampoline together. I wonder if Dad is intimidated doing that, considering Derek went all the way to State.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27Next

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