MONDO EXTRAS

Boys Don't Make Passes At Total Lame-Asses

by Jacob Clifton February 22, 2005
A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Romance Rescue

So there's Jonathan saying he's not the person who has been portrayed, et cetera, and to this bullshit show's credit, it is mixed in with massive footage of him acting like an assclown. There's the famous footage of him pushing her, which…I know I'm not Miss Alli, and I never will be, so I wouldn't want to be accused of trying to recap her show, because that lady's way too beautiful and smart and scary and right to face head-on, but here's what happened: Jonathan was looking for some bullshit reason to bitch about how they weren't in first place, and Victoria, looking for some abuse, picked up his backpack even though they both knew that it wasn't necessary because there were a million gypsies and cameramen around watching, but anyway it slowed her down, and -- even though it didn't matter because they were that far behind -- he still bitched in his loudest, gayest, meanest voice at her the whole six yards to the Amazing Welcome Mat, and then pushed her almost down, really violently, and then she played the fucking victim and he played the jerk-off maniac, and the fact is that he pushed her, hard, and I like women a lot, but mostly, don't hit people, boy, girl, or otherwise, is my rule. The point of self-control is not being a dick when it counts. Chivalry takes a backseat to fucking humanity. And that's what he did: he hit her, and that's not okay. The end. And yeah, she's not okay, because the next thing you do after someone hits you is move the fuck on, so she's an asshole too, but she's so deep into making sure everybody knows it that I hate her too.

"They're just showing that scene all the time, huh? Oh, god." This Jonathan says as makeup is applied to his face, about how he just knows they're "not going to spin it positively." As though that's fucking possible. As though…whatever. He has convinced himself he's a victim, a victim of her, of TV, of America, and the truth is that they are in a tango of ugliness, and that takes two. He's more wrong then her, yes, but that doesn't make her any less of the kind of asshole that she totally is.

So now on the Phil set, Victoria is shocked that people don't ask her about the Race, since it was so Amazing, but it's not because they were pretty crappy at it, honestly, even if you ignore the fact that they're the team elected most likely to perform without any teamwork whatsoever, but she's freaked how these well-wishers preferred to ask about her health and well being. Considering she'd like nothing better than some visible bruises. Also, she's totally incensed that she's constantly referred to as a "former Playboy model." Because she's done so much other stuff besides being a Playmate and getting royally abused, I guess. ["Don't forget the multiple, obvious, and badly done plastic surgeries that make her look like an application for Can You Draw This Pirate Matchbook Art Academy." -- Sars]

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Boys Don't Make Passes At Total Lame-Asses

by Jacob Clifton February 22, 2005
A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Romance Rescue

So there's Jonathan saying he's not the person who has been portrayed, et cetera, and to this bullshit show's credit, it is mixed in with massive footage of him acting like an assclown. There's the famous footage of him pushing her, which…I know I'm not Miss Alli, and I never will be, so I wouldn't want to be accused of trying to recap her show, because that lady's way too beautiful and smart and scary and right to face head-on, but here's what happened: Jonathan was looking for some bullshit reason to bitch about how they weren't in first place, and Victoria, looking for some abuse, picked up his backpack even though they both knew that it wasn't necessary because there were a million gypsies and cameramen around watching, but anyway it slowed her down, and -- even though it didn't matter because they were that far behind -- he still bitched in his loudest, gayest, meanest voice at her the whole six yards to the Amazing Welcome Mat, and then pushed her almost down, really violently, and then she played the fucking victim and he played the jerk-off maniac, and the fact is that he pushed her, hard, and I like women a lot, but mostly, don't hit people, boy, girl, or otherwise, is my rule. The point of self-control is not being a dick when it counts. Chivalry takes a backseat to fucking humanity. And that's what he did: he hit her, and that's not okay. The end. And yeah, she's not okay, because the next thing you do after someone hits you is move the fuck on, so she's an asshole too, but she's so deep into making sure everybody knows it that I hate her too.

"They're just showing that scene all the time, huh? Oh, god." This Jonathan says as makeup is applied to his face, about how he just knows they're "not going to spin it positively." As though that's fucking possible. As though…whatever. He has convinced himself he's a victim, a victim of her, of TV, of America, and the truth is that they are in a tango of ugliness, and that takes two. He's more wrong then her, yes, but that doesn't make her any less of the kind of asshole that she totally is.

So now on the Phil set, Victoria is shocked that people don't ask her about the Race, since it was so Amazing, but it's not because they were pretty crappy at it, honestly, even if you ignore the fact that they're the team elected most likely to perform without any teamwork whatsoever, but she's freaked how these well-wishers preferred to ask about her health and well being. Considering she'd like nothing better than some visible bruises. Also, she's totally incensed that she's constantly referred to as a "former Playboy model." Because she's done so much other stuff besides being a Playmate and getting royally abused, I guess. ["Don't forget the multiple, obvious, and badly done plastic surgeries that make her look like an application for Can You Draw This Pirate Matchbook Art Academy." -- Sars]

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