MONDO EXTRAS

Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time

CW swaggers up as they are paranoiacally discussing the possible media encoding in the fact that the movie they're discussing is called "Must-See," and asks them what they think they're doing. He's very rude and weird to them. Eventually the plot will hinge on him being arrogant and having the hubris and all of these things, but not yet, so right now he's just being a six-year-old jerkface. On closer inspection one notes that the tracksuits all have a pretty nifty "IT" logo embroidered on them somewhere. That's nice. One little girl points them to "Central Central Intelligence." CW continues to be snotty.

The main boy of the movie arguers realizes that our kids must be foreigners. The older and vastly weirder of his two female companions says, "If IT finds out, you'll be in trouble," which is value-neutral on paper but wicked creepy the way she says it. CW continues to be a jerk to the kids, and they walk off. Again the cop cars ignore our guys altogether in order to harass the kids outside the theater. All along the street all the businesses are called things like "Tech IT" (which is at least kind of funny), "IT Jewelry," "IT Plaza," three "IT Motels," and my favorite of the bunch: "Trans IT." How "on the nose," as Jeff Balis would say. There are also various signs from various eras with just "IT" all over the place. Everyone on Camazotz drives a Saturn. Unsurprising.

They reach Central Central Intelligence. The score goes crazy in an entirely new way as the doors open and the kids make their way inside. I about keel over with a stroke as the music gets unbearably fascinated and coked up. Inside there are snakes in the architecture with glowing red eyes. How come? Up above there's the domed glass ceiling that normally only appears in movies for you to smash during a heist. A Nazi dude is calling out Bingo numbers, and the people in suits rush forward and into creepy doors containing other people in suits as their numbers are called. They all tap their fingers boredly in unison; it's cool.

Some other Nazi dude fills them in on procedure. "Fill out the A form and B form, A form into the S slot." CW is a dick to this guy too, then feels Dr. Mr. in the vicinity (because he's psychic!) and asks Kitty Pryde and Calvin O'Keefe to distract people while he tries to read him. Kitty approaches a woman who needs "an adjustment" but doesn't know what kind. Then the JonBenet from the theater tells a Nazi dude that they are the foreigners. CW summons them over to one room, and our kids get inside. Little JonBenet taps her finger like the grownups. Creepy. There's a giant red eyeball, again, for no reason, again.

Walking down a hallway, we hear screaming and a woman's voice saying the usual 1984 stuff about "happiness can be yours if you give in" and all that stuff. It's almost subversive, except for the fact that the heroes make even less sense than the villains. Case in point: Calvin runs off for no reason even though they've been told sixteen times to stay together, and yells at the Nazi dudes, calling them "ladies." I wonder what Corky the Hermaphrodite Dude thinks about that, considering he and the three witches are all watching the action on his crystal ball.

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Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time CW swaggers up as they are paranoiacally discussing the possible media encoding in the fact that the movie they're discussing is called "Must-See," and asks them what they think they're doing. He's very rude and weird to them. Eventually the plot will hinge on him being arrogant and having the hubris and all of these things, but not yet, so right now he's just being a six-year-old jerkface. On closer inspection one notes that the tracksuits all have a pretty nifty "IT" logo embroidered on them somewhere. That's nice. One little girl points them to "Central Central Intelligence." CW continues to be snotty. The main boy of the movie arguers realizes that our kids must be foreigners. The older and vastly weirder of his two female companions says, "If IT finds out, you'll be in trouble," which is value-neutral on paper but wicked creepy the way she says it. CW continues to be a jerk to the kids, and they walk off. Again the cop cars ignore our guys altogether in order to harass the kids outside the theater. All along the street all the businesses are called things like "Tech IT" (which is at least kind of funny), "IT Jewelry," "IT Plaza," three "IT Motels," and my favorite of the bunch: "Trans IT." How "on the nose," as Jeff Balis would say. There are also various signs from various eras with just "IT" all over the place. Everyone on Camazotz drives a Saturn. Unsurprising. They reach Central Central Intelligence. The score goes crazy in an entirely new way as the doors open and the kids make their way inside. I about keel over with a stroke as the music gets unbearably fascinated and coked up. Inside there are snakes in the architecture with glowing red eyes. How come? Up above there's the domed glass ceiling that normally only appears in movies for you to smash during a heist. A Nazi dude is calling out Bingo numbers, and the people in suits rush forward and into creepy doors containing other people in suits as their numbers are called. They all tap their fingers boredly in unison; it's cool. Some other Nazi dude fills them in on procedure. "Fill out the A form and B form, A form into the S slot." CW is a dick to this guy too, then feels Dr. Mr. in the vicinity (because he's psychic!) and asks Kitty Pryde and Calvin O'Keefe to distract people while he tries to read him. Kitty approaches a woman who needs "an adjustment" but doesn't know what kind. Then the JonBenet from the theater tells a Nazi dude that they are the foreigners. CW summons them over to one room, and our kids get inside. Little JonBenet taps her finger like the grownups. Creepy. There's a giant red eyeball, again, for no reason, again.

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