MONDO EXTRAS

Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time

Running, running, fluorescent lights pulsing, dentists chairs, Nazi cop uniforms, empty hallways, et cetera. So now the bad guys have Calvin. If only someone had warned him to stay with the others that seventeenth time. He's strapped into a dentist's chair by some bad guys.

A glowing evil volleyball shoots out a paralyzing ray. For real.

Kitty and CW appear wearing Nazi coats like Doogie Howser in Starship Troopers, only less attractive. They see the IT people zap the basketball kid with another evil volleyball. The red eyeball wiggles around -- why? Calvin giggles on the chair, calling out for "[Kitty]" and "basketball." She touches his temples and is drawn into his mind, where he's...playing basketball. How terrifying!

Calvin plays basketball for a million years, and steps over people's heads and generally has magic basketball powers. Kitty jerks herself out of it and yells his name a couple times, and then he wakes and she says the awesome line: "They drugged you with your own dream!" He's like, "Oh," as if that makes any damn sense.

The director looks away as CW babbles unconvincingly in the extreme about something. It's not clear. He "can't hold on much longer." It's really very elementary school "get the potion before I..." playacting. Some stupid dialogue, conveyed limply, about how their Nazi coats are "all the rage."

Incredibly luckily, their dad's in the room next door, which they stroll on over to. Unluckily, all the doors close and lock behind them. Luckily, they see their dad lying on a concrete slab past a screen of floating light. Unluckily, it's merely an image. Luckily, Kitty Pryde dykes her head off and rips off her Nazi coat and yells a lot. Unluckily, Calvin and CW are worthless. Luckily, Kitty has Mrs. Who's stupid Harry Potter glasses. She walks into the screen and it disappears, putting her in the room with Dad. I remember the glasses having some semblance of pseudoscience going in the book, but like I said, I might have been nuts, like most kids are.

She throws herself on Mr. Dr. Murry and tries to convince him she's not a lie or a dream. Finally the scene goes to slo-mo, which makes him believe her. Too bad he has a broken leg. He's really sorry about misusing the tesseract. There's an embarrassing reprise of the "Who's On First" crap from the beginning. She pulls him out of the screen and CW comes running at him wearing the Nazi jacket and they embrace. As Mr. Dr. Murry introduces himself to Calvin, some dude comes wandering into the room humming. He totally has red eyes!

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Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time Walking down a hallway, we hear screaming and a woman's voice saying the usual 1984 stuff about "happiness can be yours if you give in" and all that stuff. It's almost subversive, except for the fact that the heroes make even less sense than the villains. Case in point: Calvin runs off for no reason even though they've been told sixteen times to stay together, and yells at the Nazi dudes, calling them "ladies." I wonder what Corky the Hermaphrodite Dude thinks about that, considering he and the three witches are all watching the action on his crystal ball. Running, running, fluorescent lights pulsing, dentists chairs, Nazi cop uniforms, empty hallways, et cetera. So now the bad guys have Calvin. If only someone had warned him to stay with the others that seventeenth time. He's strapped into a dentist's chair by some bad guys. A glowing evil volleyball shoots out a paralyzing ray. For real. Kitty and CW appear wearing Nazi coats like Doogie Howser in Starship Troopers, only less attractive. They see the IT people zap the basketball kid with another evil volleyball. The red eyeball wiggles around -- why? Calvin giggles on the chair, calling out for "[Kitty]" and "basketball." She touches his temples and is drawn into his mind, where he's...playing basketball. How terrifying! Calvin plays basketball for a million years, and steps over people's heads and generally has magic basketball powers. Kitty jerks herself out of it and yells his name a couple times, and then he wakes and she says the awesome line: "They drugged you with your own dream!" He's like, "Oh," as if that makes any damn sense. The director looks away as CW babbles unconvincingly in the extreme about something. It's not clear. He "can't hold on much longer." It's really very elementary school "get the potion before I..." playacting. Some stupid dialogue, conveyed limply, about how their Nazi coats are "all the rage." Incredibly luckily, their dad's in the room next door, which they stroll on over to. Unluckily, all the doors close and lock behind them. Luckily, they see their dad lying on a concrete slab past a screen of floating light. Unluckily, it's merely an image. Luckily, Kitty Pryde dykes her head off and rips off her Nazi coat and yells a lot. Unluckily, Calvin and CW are worthless. Luckily, Kitty has Mrs. Who's stupid Harry Potter glasses. She walks into the screen and it disappears, putting her in the room with Dad. I remember the glasses having some semblance of pseudoscience going in the book, but like I said, I might have been nuts, like most kids are.

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Get the most of your experience.
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See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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