MONDO EXTRAS

Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time

Feeling competitive due to the cryptic ridiculous talking of the witches, Dr. Mr. tells Meg that all of her weaknesses are just doorways to her secret strengths. Sure, I can handle that. "You just be [Kitty]." I can't tell you why but all of a sudden I know that this part is going to take forever. "Just be Meg." Christ.

I read this interview with Madeleine L'Engle the other day and the interviewer was like, "Have you seen the movie?" and L'Engle was all, "Yeah." And the interviewer was like, "Did it live up to your expectations?" And she was like, "Yeah, in that I thought it was going to be bad, and it was bad." I laughed my ass off just now thinking about that, because at the time I didn't know what "bad" was, so I just thought she was being defensive about something she wrote forty years ago. Dear Madeleine: Your book is still good. I am sorry about this movie.

Calvin points out that he would go with her if the witches let him, and he'd kiss her if Dr. Mr. weren't there. Meaning he's going to go ahead and do nothing whatsoever. Mrs. Who starts again with the quoting and the horrible bullshit quavery voice, and Kitty very self-confidently quotes Emily Dickinson right back at her. I won't even tell you what she says because it's so fourth-grade nothing. In the background, Aunt Beast -- or rather the dude in the Aunt Beast costume -- feels his ungainly way down the steps, because the costume has no eyeholes.

Kitty manages to show a fair bit of hope and grace in this scene. It's nice, until Alfre Woodard starts freaking the fuck out some more and talking a bunch of nonsensical bullshit at the top of her lungs: "In all the wonder of who you are now and the glory of everything you are becoming in all that you feel you have something the darkness does not have can never have my darling it is only yours if you find it for yourself" -- just like that -- and then she turns into a giant glowing fish and yells, "Meg! You have my love!" and then things are blurry and lame but it doesn't go on for too long because there's a commercial -- maybe we'll just lacuna our way over that particular boring, stupid, ugly, lame hump...

Yes. Back on Camazotz in the dunes and the lightning, Meg's still actually trying to figure out Mrs. Whatsit's cryptic bullshit line about her special gift. I think she's trying to distract herself, because we all know Whatsit doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Inside Central Central Intelligence (I always thought "Charles Wallace" would make a good band name, but perhaps...no, "Central Central Intelligence" is too topical. Never mind), the unending Bingo game of "adjustment" is still going on.

Those snakes on the pillars with the glowing red eyes are so lame, dude. It's like The Mummy, but only right here near the door. Sauron twitches his Big Red Eyeball in acknowledgement of her presence -- it would be cool if this were CW's red eyeball this time, but of course it's not. I wonder what this movie would have been like without all the movies it's bare-assedly copying.

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Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time The witches appear and act all crazy, of course. Dr. Mr. asks if they can get CW off Camazotz and additionally teach Mr. Dr. to control the tesseract. Mrs. Which puts down some witchy smack, reminding him that he can barely stand up. Calvin offers to grab the kid and run, but Whatsit spins some bullshit line about how it's not his job. Meg does the math and realizes that she's the one who's going to have to do it. Which she realized about five scenes ago, but whatever. Feeling competitive due to the cryptic ridiculous talking of the witches, Dr. Mr. tells Meg that all of her weaknesses are just doorways to her secret strengths. Sure, I can handle that. "You just be [Kitty]." I can't tell you why but all of a sudden I know that this part is going to take forever. "Just be Meg." Christ. I read this interview with Madeleine L'Engle the other day and the interviewer was like, "Have you seen the movie?" and L'Engle was all, "Yeah." And the interviewer was like, "Did it live up to your expectations?" And she was like, "Yeah, in that I thought it was going to be bad, and it was bad." I laughed my ass off just now thinking about that, because at the time I didn't know what "bad" was, so I just thought she was being defensive about something she wrote forty years ago. Dear Madeleine: Your book is still good. I am sorry about this movie. Calvin points out that he would go with her if the witches let him, and he'd kiss her if Dr. Mr. weren't there. Meaning he's going to go ahead and do nothing whatsoever. Mrs. Who starts again with the quoting and the horrible bullshit quavery voice, and Kitty very self-confidently quotes Emily Dickinson right back at her. I won't even tell you what she says because it's so fourth-grade nothing. In the background, Aunt Beast -- or rather the dude in the Aunt Beast costume -- feels his ungainly way down the steps, because the costume has no eyeholes. Kitty manages to show a fair bit of hope and grace in this scene. It's nice, until Alfre Woodard starts freaking the fuck out some more and talking a bunch of nonsensical bullshit at the top of her lungs: "In all the wonder of who you are now and the glory of everything you are becoming in all that you feel you have something the darkness does not have can never have my darling it is only yours if you find it for yourself" -- just like that -- and then she turns into a giant glowing fish and yells, "Meg! You have my love!" and then things are blurry and lame but it doesn't go on for too long because there's a commercial -- maybe we'll just lacuna our way over that particular boring, stupid, ugly, lame hump...

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