MONDO EXTRAS

Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time

The twins demand to know: what the hell was that crap? CW says that they were "consciousness, goodness, energy, light, stuff like that." Cool, so I guess CW talks like them now. Great. He tells them about the planets they visited, and the gross brain they defeated that was trying to take over the universe. He leaves out the part where he willingly surrendered to its power and tried to kill his family, but whatever. It's a better story this way.

Kitty and Calvin "take a seat on the star-watching rock," if you know what I mean. Calvin wants to know what she did that helped her save CW. "What was it? What did you have that was so..." I realize that Calvin still doesn't count as a character, and this is still about making Kitty love herself and think she's so awesome, and he's just a tool. But dude, it makes him sound so creepy considering that the witches told him straight up he wasn't the one for the job. It comes off like "So what makes you so goddamned special?"

She stares up at the Northern Lights and tells him, "It's bigger than words." Which in one way is nice, because her love for CW is beyond words, but in the mixed-up self-centered Self-Esteemville way of thinking, she's kind of telling her boyfriend that her awesomeness defies description. They look at each other and smile, but at least they're already holding hands so there's none of that queasy-making hand-foreplay.

By the way: If you must have voice-overs, please refrain from ending your story, "And we all lived happily..." or any variation thereon.

We pull back from the couple on the star-watching rock, out into the universe, to Kitty's final voice-over.

"And we all lived...pretty happily most of the time, ever after. I realized Charles Wallace wasn't the only one that was new."

Keep telling yourself that, Kitty.

"We all were."

Aww, that's nice.

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Let's Wrinkle!

by Jacob Clifton May 19, 2004
A Wrinkle in Time Mrs. Dr. comes running and hugs the kids for a second before she sees her husband. Calvin's holding him up, due to the broken leg. Dr. Mrs. and Dr. Mr. kiss passionately. Calvin makes an unknown face. Dr. Mr. tells his wife that Kitty saved everybody. The twins laugh at this ridiculous concept, but Mrs. Dr. is not surprised one bit. The score does your crying for you. Dr. Mr. assigns Calvin "honorary family member" status, even though he's been in this dimension exactly thirty-seven seconds. Two stars trailing clouds of purple gas zoom off overhead. Everybody is impressed by this, even the twins. The shooting stars abruptly zoom around and come back and turn into Mrs. Whatsit and Mrs. Who. Mrs. Dr. gets an introduction. Then Mrs. Which totally makes this grand entrance and floats above their heads because she's the awesomest. The witches and Mrs. Dr. let it be known that this whole adventure only took a few minutes, instead of most of my adult life like I thought. I wish they were telling the truth. "We made a little adjustment," Mrs. Who says in that horrible damn voice, "A wrinkle...in time." Whatsit steps up and puts her creepy crazy shawl around Kitty's neck and congratulates her on her work. She tells her that she loves humans but Kitty most of all and that she's not going to be Mrs. Whatsit anymore. Mrs. Who tells Calvin goodbye, and Meg returns her glasses. Mrs. Which reminds CW that his debt to the universe is hardly repaid. Mrs. Which tells Kitty that she's going to have to save the universe a few more times. Mrs. Whatsit says goodbye to Kitty and tells her that part of her burns in Kitty now. They take off. The twins demand to know: what the hell was that crap? CW says that they were "consciousness, goodness, energy, light, stuff like that." Cool, so I guess CW talks like them now. Great. He tells them about the planets they visited, and the gross brain they defeated that was trying to take over the universe. He leaves out the part where he willingly surrendered to its power and tried to kill his family, but whatever. It's a better story this way. Kitty and Calvin "take a seat on the star-watching rock," if you know what I mean. Calvin wants to know what she did that helped her save CW. "What was it? What did you have that was so..." I realize that Calvin still doesn't count as a character, and this is still about making Kitty love herself and think she's so awesome, and he's just a tool. But dude, it makes him sound so creepy considering that the witches told him straight up he wasn't the one for the job. It comes off like "So what makes you so goddamned special?"

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