MONDO EXTRAS

9:03 - Once again, we are stunned to see what T-Bone Burnett actually looks like. we keep expecting a ponytail, a five o'clock shadow and a crocodile-skin hat.

9:06 - Steve Martin's Last Station joke aside, this entire telecast should have been tagged with a "spoiler alert" at the beginning. These clips are blowing up endings left and right. Luckily, they're all still worth seeing, being Oscar-nominated films and all.

9:12 - RDJ and Tina Fey win for best presentation of the night. we don't need to see the rest of the telecast to call it. Someone get RDJ on 30 Rock.

9:15 - Hurt Locker takes Best Original Screenplay, and the screenwriter gives a great, quick speech. Yay, writers! Excuse us while we try to find a single page in the Inglourious Basterds screenplay that isn't better than the totality of The Hurt Locker.

9:18 - Seeing present-day Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick together on stage is creating a warp tunnel in our brains. R.I.P. John Hughes.

9:22 - GAAAHHHHH! Multiple warp tunnels! In our brains! But where's James Spader, Michael Schoeffling, Ilan Mitchell-Smith and Alan Ruck? Did Cameron get screwed yet again?

9:34 - People who win these Best Short awards always look so admirably unembarrassed to be boring millions upon millions of people. This and only this is why DVRs were invented.

9:37 - we want to use the bottom of Zoe Saldana's dress as the most dramatic ponytail holder ever.

9:38 - Say what you want about Ben Stiller -- the man commits to a bit. Full Na'vi makeup and made up language award presentation FTW.

9:40 - We want to plug our brains into your dragon too, Ben Stiller. Dirty talk (we think?) is always best when it makes no sense.

9:48 - Really important and RELEVANT question: Rachel McAdams: Better as a blonde or a brunette?

9:49 - Precious beats Up in the Air for Best Adapted screenplay. An upset for sure, but it should have been In the Loop. Now that would've been a fucking great speech.