MONDO EXTRAS

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: You Gotta Have Luck

We cut to Hitchcock sitting behind a desk, upon which is a giant hourglass. Am I the only one who sometimes gets Alfred Hitchcock mixed up with Winston Churchill? In my mind they're like the same person. He says, "Good eeeeeevening," before telling us that the hourglass is a wonderful invention, but will never replace the sundial. Yes, just like those computer contraptions will never outlast the abacus. And, like, maybe consider getting a clock, old man. Hitchcock tells us that this one doesn't even work, as he took it to the jeweler's to get cleaned, and they removed all the sand. I can barely even concentrate on what he's saying because I'm so transfixed by the way his chin blends into his neck. It's like a chin gunt. A chunt. Or maybe a goiter is responsible? A choiter? We may never know the real truth. Master of Chinspense! Hitchcock puts a smaller hourglass on top of the giant one, and says that fortunately the second hand still works. Oh, that incorrigible Al! Do you think he let his friends call him Al? And wonders aloud why he's soft in the middle when the rest of his life is so hard? I don't.

Hitchcock tells us that time is very important to the characters in tonight's story: one of them is doing it. Wait, what? Doing what? One of them is doing time? I know time makes lovers feel like they've got something real, but what exactly are they doing? I'm confused already, and we haven't even gotten to what's odd about the woman hiding the convict. Anyway, one of them is doing it, and for the other time is running out. Hitchcock goes on to tell us that time is also very important for television, as they fill it, start on it, end on it, and occasionally kill it. He says that he refers of course to his own fumbling efforts, and certainly not to the stellar entertainment that follows. He is so drunk right now. Even in black and white, you can tell that his nose is all red at the tip. He would have made an excellent guest on The Match Game. Overall, I give Hitchcock an A-, and am impressed that he's nearly as droll as The Crypt Keeper.

We fade from Hitchcock, and a title card tells us that this story is "You Got to Have Luck," starring John Cassavetes and Marisa Pavan, who was also nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in The Rose Tattoo. We've got some power players here!

Our story opens with a hand cranking a meat grinder. Wait, why is that meat grinder making that horrible, shrill noise? I'll tell you why: it's actually a siren! Clever. Now the boys at Precinct 18 can make sausage on slow days. Speaking of the law, a be-mustachioed member of the...county jail???...is on the phone mouthing words as a marginally fatter member of the squad peers out of the window. Why he is peering through the blinds remains a mystery. Skinny mustached guy tells the other guy that The Eagle is on the phone. Lest you think that The Eagle is the prison escapee who earned his nickname by hoisting people in the air using only his talon-like toenails and who is calling to make vague threats and give clues as to his whereabouts -- as would happen on Law and Order: Criminal Intent -- it's actually a local paper. Fat guy says that he can't talk to them now, but skinny guy says that it's the editor, who passed on the message that fat guy might not look so silly if he released some kind of statement about how "he" got out. With that mustache, it seems like a long shot. The "he" in question is escapee Sam Cobbett. The editor of The Eagle already knows this because they have sources in prison and pay for tips. I bet they also wear Fozzie Bear style "Press" cards on their hats.

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Alfred Hitchcock Presents: You Gotta Have Luck

We cut to Hitchcock sitting behind a desk, upon which is a giant hourglass. Am I the only one who sometimes gets Alfred Hitchcock mixed up with Winston Churchill? In my mind they're like the same person. He says, "Good eeeeeevening," before telling us that the hourglass is a wonderful invention, but will never replace the sundial. Yes, just like those computer contraptions will never outlast the abacus. And, like, maybe consider getting a clock, old man. Hitchcock tells us that this one doesn't even work, as he took it to the jeweler's to get cleaned, and they removed all the sand. I can barely even concentrate on what he's saying because I'm so transfixed by the way his chin blends into his neck. It's like a chin gunt. A chunt. Or maybe a goiter is responsible? A choiter? We may never know the real truth. Master of Chinspense! Hitchcock puts a smaller hourglass on top of the giant one, and says that fortunately the second hand still works. Oh, that incorrigible Al! Do you think he let his friends call him Al? And wonders aloud why he's soft in the middle when the rest of his life is so hard? I don't.

Hitchcock tells us that time is very important to the characters in tonight's story: one of them is doing it. Wait, what? Doing what? One of them is doing time? I know time makes lovers feel like they've got something real, but what exactly are they doing? I'm confused already, and we haven't even gotten to what's odd about the woman hiding the convict. Anyway, one of them is doing it, and for the other time is running out. Hitchcock goes on to tell us that time is also very important for television, as they fill it, start on it, end on it, and occasionally kill it. He says that he refers of course to his own fumbling efforts, and certainly not to the stellar entertainment that follows. He is so drunk right now. Even in black and white, you can tell that his nose is all red at the tip. He would have made an excellent guest on The Match Game. Overall, I give Hitchcock an A-, and am impressed that he's nearly as droll as The Crypt Keeper.

We fade from Hitchcock, and a title card tells us that this story is "You Got to Have Luck," starring John Cassavetes and Marisa Pavan, who was also nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in The Rose Tattoo. We've got some power players here!

Our story opens with a hand cranking a meat grinder. Wait, why is that meat grinder making that horrible, shrill noise? I'll tell you why: it's actually a siren! Clever. Now the boys at Precinct 18 can make sausage on slow days. Speaking of the law, a be-mustachioed member of the...county jail???...is on the phone mouthing words as a marginally fatter member of the squad peers out of the window. Why he is peering through the blinds remains a mystery. Skinny mustached guy tells the other guy that The Eagle is on the phone. Lest you think that The Eagle is the prison escapee who earned his nickname by hoisting people in the air using only his talon-like toenails and who is calling to make vague threats and give clues as to his whereabouts -- as would happen on Law and Order: Criminal Intent -- it's actually a local paper. Fat guy says that he can't talk to them now, but skinny guy says that it's the editor, who passed on the message that fat guy might not look so silly if he released some kind of statement about how "he" got out. With that mustache, it seems like a long shot. The "he" in question is escapee Sam Cobbett. The editor of The Eagle already knows this because they have sources in prison and pay for tips. I bet they also wear Fozzie Bear style "Press" cards on their hats.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

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