MONDO EXTRAS

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: You Gotta Have Luck

Just then, when things couldn't get any more suspenseful, we hear a beep from a car horn. Cobbett drags Mary to the window and she looks out. He yells, "Who is it?" and she doesn't reply, so he shakes her and she looks at him and he asks again. It's her neighbor, Mrs. Martin, and her little girl. Cobbett tells her not to let Mrs. Martin in, and to get rid of her. They rush around the kitchen, Mary to the door as Cobbett hops up on the kitchen counter beside it. Okay, now that's a little dramatic. He holds the knife to her throat and tells her not to let Mrs. Martin get wise to anything. I bet Mary is sorry she ever made that pie.

Mrs. Martin, an overly friendly seeming sort, approaches the screen door. She calls Mary "honey" and asks how "every little thing" is, and if Dave's home. When she discovers he's not, she answers, "Well, no matter." Do people really say that? I guess they did in the '50s. She then says that she just wanted to see Dave because her pullets ain't layin' worth a lick. A pullet, I have discovered, is a young chicken. However, this talk seems like code to me. And then, I totally thought I had discovered what was very odd about our heroine. Home alone. Baking pies. Nothing but the rolling pin mounted on the wall to keep you company. Who could blame a woman for taking comfort in a neighborly blonde who gives you free eggs? Let's continue. Mrs. Martin tries to open the screen door and finds it locked. She asks Mary to let her in. Mary says that she has a cold and wouldn't want Susie to catch it. Or for Mrs. Martin to catch it after hours of tabletop lovemaking, made more erotic by the presence of leftover flour scattered about. Mrs. Martin says that Susie's the healthiest kid who ever lived, and you couldn't give her a cold if you tried. Yes, I'm sure "Susie" is. Mrs. Martin continues that they was [sic] on the way to town and thought they'd stop for a cup of coffee and see if Mary needed anything. Oh, she needs it. She needs it but good.

Mary gets kind of stern in telling her not to come in. Mrs. Martin is puzzled. She asks Mary what's the matter and if she is really sick, noting that Mary looks fine. Mary stares ahead all distressed-like, and Mrs. Martin says, "Oh, I get it. Dave went off mad." She thinks he found out about their Sapphic tryst! Mrs. Martin, whose name apparently is Maude, doesn't seem too concerned about this and wants to tell Mary something about spats. I bet she does. Mary then kind of screams, "Please, Maude, I don't want to talk about it! I want you to go away, don't you understand!" That's kind of a harsh way to dump your illicit lover, isn't it? Maude thinks so. She says, "Well, I guess I was just tryin' to be neighborly. Guess I know when I'm not wanted." She looks pissed. Mary sees this and, not wanting to forsake her ain true love, apologizes. Maude then tries to come in again, and Mary has to scream again that she doesn't want to talk to her. Maude has had enough of the Anne Heche routine and heads back to the truck, saying -- wait for it -- "You ought to be paddled, you little snip. Treatin' your best friend like that." Maude is totally coming back in a half hour with a leather cat o' nine tails. Maybe this is all part of their little routine. She drives off in, like, the Flintstone car.

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Alfred Hitchcock Presents: You Gotta Have Luck

Just then, when things couldn't get any more suspenseful, we hear a beep from a car horn. Cobbett drags Mary to the window and she looks out. He yells, "Who is it?" and she doesn't reply, so he shakes her and she looks at him and he asks again. It's her neighbor, Mrs. Martin, and her little girl. Cobbett tells her not to let Mrs. Martin in, and to get rid of her. They rush around the kitchen, Mary to the door as Cobbett hops up on the kitchen counter beside it. Okay, now that's a little dramatic. He holds the knife to her throat and tells her not to let Mrs. Martin get wise to anything. I bet Mary is sorry she ever made that pie.

Mrs. Martin, an overly friendly seeming sort, approaches the screen door. She calls Mary "honey" and asks how "every little thing" is, and if Dave's home. When she discovers he's not, she answers, "Well, no matter." Do people really say that? I guess they did in the '50s. She then says that she just wanted to see Dave because her pullets ain't layin' worth a lick. A pullet, I have discovered, is a young chicken. However, this talk seems like code to me. And then, I totally thought I had discovered what was very odd about our heroine. Home alone. Baking pies. Nothing but the rolling pin mounted on the wall to keep you company. Who could blame a woman for taking comfort in a neighborly blonde who gives you free eggs? Let's continue. Mrs. Martin tries to open the screen door and finds it locked. She asks Mary to let her in. Mary says that she has a cold and wouldn't want Susie to catch it. Or for Mrs. Martin to catch it after hours of tabletop lovemaking, made more erotic by the presence of leftover flour scattered about. Mrs. Martin says that Susie's the healthiest kid who ever lived, and you couldn't give her a cold if you tried. Yes, I'm sure "Susie" is. Mrs. Martin continues that they was [sic] on the way to town and thought they'd stop for a cup of coffee and see if Mary needed anything. Oh, she needs it. She needs it but good.

Mary gets kind of stern in telling her not to come in. Mrs. Martin is puzzled. She asks Mary what's the matter and if she is really sick, noting that Mary looks fine. Mary stares ahead all distressed-like, and Mrs. Martin says, "Oh, I get it. Dave went off mad." She thinks he found out about their Sapphic tryst! Mrs. Martin, whose name apparently is Maude, doesn't seem too concerned about this and wants to tell Mary something about spats. I bet she does. Mary then kind of screams, "Please, Maude, I don't want to talk about it! I want you to go away, don't you understand!" That's kind of a harsh way to dump your illicit lover, isn't it? Maude thinks so. She says, "Well, I guess I was just tryin' to be neighborly. Guess I know when I'm not wanted." She looks pissed. Mary sees this and, not wanting to forsake her ain true love, apologizes. Maude then tries to come in again, and Mary has to scream again that she doesn't want to talk to her. Maude has had enough of the Anne Heche routine and heads back to the truck, saying -- wait for it -- "You ought to be paddled, you little snip. Treatin' your best friend like that." Maude is totally coming back in a half hour with a leather cat o' nine tails. Maybe this is all part of their little routine. She drives off in, like, the Flintstone car.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

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