MONDO EXTRAS

Vexingest Man Alive

by Daniel January 25, 2003
America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story

Back in the present day, Jackie is going on about how she won't let John stop trying. Or something. They say goodbye and hang up and John looks all put out.

Next we get a preposterous scene in which John goes down to the police station to meet a guy whose case he's been assigned, and the guy acts all tough until her recognizes John, and then he gets all excited, as do all the other thugs and lowlifes go all gaga over JFK Jr., like, I DON'T THINK SO.

Kennedy Friend: "My heart goes out to Caroline. She's the only one left." Yes. She's the only one of the immediate family who might accidentally see this crap.

Caroline is on stage blathering on about the "Profile in Courage" award while John stares at her in a way I don't think a brother would. At a reception afterward, she commiserates with him over his not passing the bar, and she says it hasn't stopped him from being a "first-rate prosecutor," and he says, "Or a first-rate cover boy" and I think he meant to say it wryly but it still came off as pretty obnoxious.

And we segue into another scene with John's ass-kissy friends, making jokes about John being People's Sexiest Man Alive and they're in a bar toasting John being a law student, like, shut up, John's stupid friends.

But I guess that was a flashback because we're back at the reception, where John and Caroline are laughing about something, and Jackie comes up and wants to know what's so funny and John says, "Just life." I swear he actually said that. And some stranger walks up to tell them all what a great man JFK was, enabling John-John to look all reflective, and then Jackie says that John-John's a lot like his dad: "He couldn't spell, either," whatever that means.

Kennedy Biographer says everyone knows everything about their lives like the Kennedys were some kind of public property, and the hypocrisy of this guy is practically heroic, but there's not time to reflect on that, since we're flashing back to some woman on the street berating Jackie for marrying Aristotle Onassis, mainly because he's a "foreigner" while Jackie does her level best to ignore this horrible woman, who shrieks, "It's like he died all over again."

Back at the memorial, Brunette and Sister Carrot Top are listing women John-John has dated: Brooke Shields, Sarah Jessica Parker (with Brunette "struggling" to remember "what's her name" like yeah, we really believe you guys aren't actors, let's move on), Madonna ("like that was going to work," sneers Sister Carrot Top) and Julia Roberts, according to Sister Carrot Top. Brunette disagrees. Carrot Top tells her she's wrong.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Comments

Vexingest Man Alive

by Daniel January 25, 2003
America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story

Back in the present day, Jackie is going on about how she won't let John stop trying. Or something. They say goodbye and hang up and John looks all put out.

Next we get a preposterous scene in which John goes down to the police station to meet a guy whose case he's been assigned, and the guy acts all tough until her recognizes John, and then he gets all excited, as do all the other thugs and lowlifes go all gaga over JFK Jr., like, I DON'T THINK SO.

Kennedy Friend: "My heart goes out to Caroline. She's the only one left." Yes. She's the only one of the immediate family who might accidentally see this crap.

Caroline is on stage blathering on about the "Profile in Courage" award while John stares at her in a way I don't think a brother would. At a reception afterward, she commiserates with him over his not passing the bar, and she says it hasn't stopped him from being a "first-rate prosecutor," and he says, "Or a first-rate cover boy" and I think he meant to say it wryly but it still came off as pretty obnoxious.

And we segue into another scene with John's ass-kissy friends, making jokes about John being People's Sexiest Man Alive and they're in a bar toasting John being a law student, like, shut up, John's stupid friends.

But I guess that was a flashback because we're back at the reception, where John and Caroline are laughing about something, and Jackie comes up and wants to know what's so funny and John says, "Just life." I swear he actually said that. And some stranger walks up to tell them all what a great man JFK was, enabling John-John to look all reflective, and then Jackie says that John-John's a lot like his dad: "He couldn't spell, either," whatever that means.

Kennedy Biographer says everyone knows everything about their lives like the Kennedys were some kind of public property, and the hypocrisy of this guy is practically heroic, but there's not time to reflect on that, since we're flashing back to some woman on the street berating Jackie for marrying Aristotle Onassis, mainly because he's a "foreigner" while Jackie does her level best to ignore this horrible woman, who shrieks, "It's like he died all over again."

Back at the memorial, Brunette and Sister Carrot Top are listing women John-John has dated: Brooke Shields, Sarah Jessica Parker (with Brunette "struggling" to remember "what's her name" like yeah, we really believe you guys aren't actors, let's move on), Madonna ("like that was going to work," sneers Sister Carrot Top) and Julia Roberts, according to Sister Carrot Top. Brunette disagrees. Carrot Top tells her she's wrong.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP