MONDO EXTRAS

Vexingest Man Alive

by Daniel January 25, 2003
America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story

Cut to fake footage of little John telling his dad he wants to go with him while this JFK impersonator (and my JFK impression is better) tells him he can't this time, but someday he'll buy John a plane of his own and John-John goes zooming around again while the tinkly piano does its best to make this all seem ominous.

John's hailing a cab while Daryl coos over a dog across the street. "Oh, wow," she says, like, it's just a damn dog. "Sometimes I think if I had a million acres I'd have a million animals," she says. John's not really paying attention, and Daryl gets mad at him for not listening to her. He apologizes and says he's got a lot on his mind, instead of advising her to try saying something worth listening to. But Daryl gets all petulant and, when the cab comes, she suggests that he should go by himself. And John completely loses his shit -- I mean, he starts banging on the cab roof, telling her to make up her mind about whether she's coming or not, and it seems kind of harsh until you realize how annoying she's been just in her screen time here and think about what it must be like for John spending all his time with her.

At a clothing store, John's admiring himself in a suit, when a voice says, "Oh, you don't want that one," and it's Portia de Rossi, looking very fine in a black dress, and she out-acts pretty much everyone in this movie, and when I told Wing Chun this, she told me she used to be on Ally McBeal which if I'd known beforehand I probably would been a little less inclined to like her. And Wing Chun thought I should know that De Rossi is a lesbian, because basically the TWoP powers that be see me as the Jerry Springer audience member of the site. ["Uh, who was all upset that he missed that Alias episode featuring Jennifer Garner in a red thong?" -- Wing Chun] John asks what's wrong with the suit, and she says it looks great on him but asks him how many blue suits he already owns. She suggests a check suit which she says will make him stand out in a crowd, making him laugh. He introduces himself, and she introduces herself as Carolyn Bessette. He tries on the jacket. It looks fugly, and he says so. "It's not my taste," he says, and she says, "Maybe it should be," all pushy, and then, they undress each other with their eyes. She notes that she's almost as tall as he is, which isn't even close to being true, and he points out that she's got heels on and orders her to take them off, which she does, taking another foot or so off her height, and he laughs, all pleased with himself. She offers condolences about his mom, and he glumly says they're trying to be optimistic, which she says is good, and goes on about this family friend with lymphoma who is still in remission, and it's because everybody "believes in him." "I can't imagine her not being here," he says, and gives back the jacket, thanking her. But he doesn't buy anything. Carolyn ponders whether yapping about a customer's mom's cancer is really the best way to close a sale.

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Vexingest Man Alive

by Daniel January 25, 2003
America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story

Cut to fake footage of little John telling his dad he wants to go with him while this JFK impersonator (and my JFK impression is better) tells him he can't this time, but someday he'll buy John a plane of his own and John-John goes zooming around again while the tinkly piano does its best to make this all seem ominous.

John's hailing a cab while Daryl coos over a dog across the street. "Oh, wow," she says, like, it's just a damn dog. "Sometimes I think if I had a million acres I'd have a million animals," she says. John's not really paying attention, and Daryl gets mad at him for not listening to her. He apologizes and says he's got a lot on his mind, instead of advising her to try saying something worth listening to. But Daryl gets all petulant and, when the cab comes, she suggests that he should go by himself. And John completely loses his shit -- I mean, he starts banging on the cab roof, telling her to make up her mind about whether she's coming or not, and it seems kind of harsh until you realize how annoying she's been just in her screen time here and think about what it must be like for John spending all his time with her.

At a clothing store, John's admiring himself in a suit, when a voice says, "Oh, you don't want that one," and it's Portia de Rossi, looking very fine in a black dress, and she out-acts pretty much everyone in this movie, and when I told Wing Chun this, she told me she used to be on Ally McBeal which if I'd known beforehand I probably would been a little less inclined to like her. And Wing Chun thought I should know that De Rossi is a lesbian, because basically the TWoP powers that be see me as the Jerry Springer audience member of the site. ["Uh, who was all upset that he missed that Alias episode featuring Jennifer Garner in a red thong?" -- Wing Chun] John asks what's wrong with the suit, and she says it looks great on him but asks him how many blue suits he already owns. She suggests a check suit which she says will make him stand out in a crowd, making him laugh. He introduces himself, and she introduces herself as Carolyn Bessette. He tries on the jacket. It looks fugly, and he says so. "It's not my taste," he says, and she says, "Maybe it should be," all pushy, and then, they undress each other with their eyes. She notes that she's almost as tall as he is, which isn't even close to being true, and he points out that she's got heels on and orders her to take them off, which she does, taking another foot or so off her height, and he laughs, all pleased with himself. She offers condolences about his mom, and he glumly says they're trying to be optimistic, which she says is good, and goes on about this family friend with lymphoma who is still in remission, and it's because everybody "believes in him." "I can't imagine her not being here," he says, and gives back the jacket, thanking her. But he doesn't buy anything. Carolyn ponders whether yapping about a customer's mom's cancer is really the best way to close a sale.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

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Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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