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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie’s Angels

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels
On set, Barney is still blah blah blahing about motivation, or some shit. The only person who cares is Kate. And that includes the entire television audience. Nudge me when Andrea loses her virginity to her RA, would you? Thanks. At ABC, F1 and F2 and Mr Arnold watch the new dailies. They are pleased by the efforts of Barney Rosenzweig. Well, now I can sleep. That night, Farrah gets home real, real late. Lee, in fact, is already in bed. And he's pissed! Pissed that he doesn't seem to have a wife anymore! Pissed that he had to eat a baloney sandwich for dinner! BALONEY! Cut to Kate Jackson's trailer. She looks through an issue of the Hollywood Reporter, which features the Angels on the cover. She reads aloud that "Kate Jackson's character is supposed to be the intellectual of the group, which I suppose means she can count to eleven without taking off her shoes." Hee. Well said, Hollywood Reporter writer. Welcome to TWoP Towers. Can I interest you in a snack? We have Cheetos. And I hid some whiskey in my bottom drawer. In her director's chair, Kate heaves a giant sigh. Kate, why must you be so tiresome? Are you not familiar with Mr. Spelling's work? Did you really think this was going to be serious drama? Even if you did, you still bore me. You are shrill. You are humorless. Your voice bugs. You need some of this whiskey. Anyway, the show premieres. America loves it. And now the network is all, "The show is great the way it is! Don't change it back!" Aaron, thrilled, gets off the phone with Mr. Arnold and tells Candy to start construction on their greenhouse! When does she get the gift-wrapping room? I swear, these throwaway lines to Candy are totally my favorite part of this movie. The next day at work, Aaron and Len break the news to Barney: ratings are great! But he can't smarten up the show anymore. Keep it dumb! They like it dumb! America loves dumb! "We can't afford to make this show too good," says Aaron Spelling, which indicates, seriously, why he is a rich, rich genius today. People don't want to think too hard, Len explains. "All those improvements you've been making?" Aaron begins. "Stop making them," Len finishes. This scene is seriously totally brilliant. Barney is perplexed. "You've got to be kidding me." "No," Len says. Bless him. Now I'm awake! And I was just about to ask you to wake me up when Models Inc. comes out on DVD. Barney walks sadly through the lot, his dreams dashed and dead. He runs into Farrah and Kate, but sniffles that nothing is bothering him. Farrah accepts this, and runs off to talk to Manager Jay, who is all worked up about how this is a huge, huge deal for her. Because she's a "new role model for American women! An icon! A national treasure." At the very least, a new faddish hair style. On cue, the studio tour bus pulls up, and some tourists get a glimpse of Farrah. They race past Kate to get to the blonde. It would have been funnier if they're actually knocked her to the ground. I mean, we've already got Aaron Spelling hallucinating? Why can't the great unwashed beat up Kate Jackson a little bit? As they swarm, Jay grips his pretentious cane and watches. "Model, actress, star, goddess," he says to Kate, who, remarkably, doesn't smack him. She just tells him to "wipe those dollar signs" out of his eyes because it's not a good look for him, and heads back to work, crabbily. I got to say, Kate is portrayed as a humorless prig, but Farrah's being drawn as a sort of simple-minded and spineless beauty who got swept up by the tragic power of her own stunning, stunning good looks, and that's hard to sympathize with, too.

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels

On set, Barney is still blah blah blahing about motivation, or some shit. The only person who cares is Kate. And that includes the entire television audience. Nudge me when Andrea loses her virginity to her RA, would you? Thanks.

At ABC, F1 and F2 and Mr Arnold watch the new dailies. They are pleased by the efforts of Barney Rosenzweig. Well, now I can sleep.

That night, Farrah gets home real, real late. Lee, in fact, is already in bed. And he's pissed! Pissed that he doesn't seem to have a wife anymore! Pissed that he had to eat a baloney sandwich for dinner! BALONEY!

Cut to Kate Jackson's trailer. She looks through an issue of the Hollywood Reporter, which features the Angels on the cover. She reads aloud that "Kate Jackson's character is supposed to be the intellectual of the group, which I suppose means she can count to eleven without taking off her shoes." Hee. Well said, Hollywood Reporter writer. Welcome to TWoP Towers. Can I interest you in a snack? We have Cheetos. And I hid some whiskey in my bottom drawer. In her director's chair, Kate heaves a giant sigh. Kate, why must you be so tiresome? Are you not familiar with Mr. Spelling's work? Did you really think this was going to be serious drama? Even if you did, you still bore me. You are shrill. You are humorless. Your voice bugs. You need some of this whiskey.

Anyway, the show premieres. America loves it. And now the network is all, "The show is great the way it is! Don't change it back!" Aaron, thrilled, gets off the phone with Mr. Arnold and tells Candy to start construction on their greenhouse! When does she get the gift-wrapping room? I swear, these throwaway lines to Candy are totally my favorite part of this movie.

The next day at work, Aaron and Len break the news to Barney: ratings are great! But he can't smarten up the show anymore. Keep it dumb! They like it dumb! America loves dumb! "We can't afford to make this show too good," says Aaron Spelling, which indicates, seriously, why he is a rich, rich genius today. People don't want to think too hard, Len explains. "All those improvements you've been making?" Aaron begins. "Stop making them," Len finishes. This scene is seriously totally brilliant. Barney is perplexed. "You've got to be kidding me." "No," Len says. Bless him. Now I'm awake! And I was just about to ask you to wake me up when Models Inc. comes out on DVD.

Barney walks sadly through the lot, his dreams dashed and dead. He runs into Farrah and Kate, but sniffles that nothing is bothering him. Farrah accepts this, and runs off to talk to Manager Jay, who is all worked up about how this is a huge, huge deal for her. Because she's a "new role model for American women! An icon! A national treasure." At the very least, a new faddish hair style. On cue, the studio tour bus pulls up, and some tourists get a glimpse of Farrah. They race past Kate to get to the blonde. It would have been funnier if they're actually knocked her to the ground. I mean, we've already got Aaron Spelling hallucinating? Why can't the great unwashed beat up Kate Jackson a little bit? As they swarm, Jay grips his pretentious cane and watches. "Model, actress, star, goddess," he says to Kate, who, remarkably, doesn't smack him. She just tells him to "wipe those dollar signs" out of his eyes because it's not a good look for him, and heads back to work, crabbily. I got to say, Kate is portrayed as a humorless prig, but Farrah's being drawn as a sort of simple-minded and spineless beauty who got swept up by the tragic power of her own stunning, stunning good looks, and that's hard to sympathize with, too.

Later, Jay, Farrah, and Lee sit around the Fawcett-Majors pool. "Last time this happened to anyone, her name was Marilyn Monroe," Jay smarms. "And we know how she ended up," Lee crabs. Sadly, although she's not dead, Farrah Fawcett did turn sort of completely insane, so the comparison is not as far off as it first sounds. I mean, did you see Farrah on the cover of the Star a few weeks ago? She's turning into Jocelyn Wildenstein. Anyway, Lee thinks this entire thing is way out of control! And Farrah is a full-time job! Jay says he needs to be her personal manager, not just her press agent. And Lee agrees to this. So, was Lee complaining because he really thinks this was out of hand, or because he wanted to convince Jay to take Farrah on full-time? And do we care?

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