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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie’s Angels

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels
PCA. Haven't we been here already? Yes, yes, children, we have. But this time, we get to see "Stevie Wonder" present Farrah with the award for "Favorite Female in a New Television Show." And then Farrah skips up to the stage and Lee Majors walks out in this hideous ruffled shirt and tells her that he's proud of her, and "the people out there" are, too, or something, and then orders her to say something. Farrah cries, like it's the Emmys or something, and thanks everyone, and... ...next thing you know, we're back where we started. Jay voice-overs that all his happiness was about to come to an end. This time, however, he manages to catch the wayward limo, and Lee confirms that Farrah is indeed quitting. She needs to stay home and be his wife and make his dinner and darn his socks and iron his underpants. Farrah agrees. A TV show is fine for a little bit, she coos, but her marriage should be forever. Jay's reaction is, basically, "Shit." Spelling Goldberg. Jay calls. Aaron answers. Farrah's quitting! Farrah's quitting? Farrah's quitting! Farrah's QUITTING? FARRAH IS QUITTING. Aaron wants to meet Jay in the park in an hour! And so Jay and Aaron and their respective limo drivers meet in the park, and the limo drivers pat the men down for weaponry and/or wires, which is funny, but not as funny as Jay's gross blue plaid sports coat. They sit and they talk and the upshot is: Farrah's quitting! Farrah's quitting? Farrah's quitting! Farrah's QUITTING? FARRAH IS QUITTING. She has a handshake contract! That's up to legal interpretation! Handshake! No! Yes! No! In! Out! You'll never work in this town again! We'll just see about that! Yes, you will! Yes, I will! We're suing you! FINE! In the limo, Aaron calls his lawyer and tells him to go to war! At her manager's office, Kate is very busy freaking out. She needs a real movie deal, she says, because this show is going to kill her career! And forget Warren Beatty! He's too much of a slut! She needs to meet with Redford! "Did you hear? Farrah got offered the lead opposite Chevy Chase in Foul Play," one of her agents offers, as, I assume, a way to reassure Kate that Charlie's Angels doesn't spell death for an actress. "Farrah, Farrah, Farrah!" Kate yelps angrily, proving to me once and for all that, in the world of Charlie's Angels, she is the Jan Brady. It does makes sense: Farrah is clearly Marcia, and Jaclyn is obviously Cindy. Bosley, clearly, would be Alice. And now Farrah's refusing to go to the wrap party and she won't tell Jaclyn why, but instead, just sadly climbs into her limo and sniffles. Jaclyn looks perturbed and also overly warm in a polyester pantsuit layered over a turtleneck.

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Mondo Extra
Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels

...next thing you know, we're back where we started. Jay voice-overs that all his happiness was about to come to an end. This time, however, he manages to catch the wayward limo, and Lee confirms that Farrah is indeed quitting. She needs to stay home and be his wife and make his dinner and darn his socks and iron his underpants. Farrah agrees. A TV show is fine for a little bit, she coos, but her marriage should be forever. Jay's reaction is, basically, "Shit."

Spelling Goldberg. Jay calls. Aaron answers. Farrah's quitting! Farrah's quitting? Farrah's quitting! Farrah's QUITTING? FARRAH IS QUITTING. Aaron wants to meet Jay in the park in an hour!

And so Jay and Aaron and their respective limo drivers meet in the park, and the limo drivers pat the men down for weaponry and/or wires, which is funny, but not as funny as Jay's gross blue plaid sports coat. They sit and they talk and the upshot is: Farrah's quitting! Farrah's quitting? Farrah's quitting! Farrah's QUITTING? FARRAH IS QUITTING. She has a handshake contract! That's up to legal interpretation! Handshake! No! Yes! No! In! Out! You'll never work in this town again! We'll just see about that! Yes, you will! Yes, I will! We're suing you! FINE!

In the limo, Aaron calls his lawyer and tells him to go to war!

At her manager's office, Kate is very busy freaking out. She needs a real movie deal, she says, because this show is going to kill her career! And forget Warren Beatty! He's too much of a slut! She needs to meet with Redford! "Did you hear? Farrah got offered the lead opposite Chevy Chase in Foul Play," one of her agents offers, as, I assume, a way to reassure Kate that Charlie's Angels doesn't spell death for an actress. "Farrah, Farrah, Farrah!" Kate yelps angrily, proving to me once and for all that, in the world of Charlie's Angels, she is the Jan Brady. It does makes sense: Farrah is clearly Marcia, and Jaclyn is obviously Cindy. Bosley, clearly, would be Alice.

And now Farrah's refusing to go to the wrap party and she won't tell Jaclyn why, but instead, just sadly climbs into her limo and sniffles. Jaclyn looks perturbed and also overly warm in a polyester pantsuit layered over a turtleneck.

In the limo, Jay tells Farrah that Paramount withdrew their Foul Play offer, because they know Spelling Goldberg is going to sue the pants off Farrah, and not in a sexy way. Farrah snuffles that she doesn't want to do a movie anyway. All she wants to do is go to sleep. FOREVER.

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