Over at ABC, Fred Silverman, Head of Programming -- played by Kevin Arnold's dad from The Wonder Years -- steps into the elevator, followed by two flunkies who are pitching him shows. One pitches, basically, Fear Factor. The other pitches America's Funniest Home Videos. Mr Arnold passes on both. Part of what amused me about this movie was how blatently NBC mocks ABC. Don't kick them when they're down, people. See how you feel next year when Joey tanks. Flunkie #1 mentions that he has something from "Spelling Goldberg." Flunkie #2 tells him that "Eisner already killed it." Mr Arnold doesn't like this attitude at all. "Eisner was then. [Arnold] is now," he says. So F2 gives him the bullet on Harry's Angels. And Mr. Arnold likes it! He really likes it! "Three stunning bikini-clad large-breasted female private eyes," Mr Arnold muses. "It didn't say 'large-breasted' in the log line," F2 mumbles. "Kate Jackson is attached. She's cute," F1 announces. With these endorsements from the Fs, Mr. Arnold gives the go ahead on the pilot, but does announce that he doesn't care for "Harry."
Auditions. A Miss Jaclyn Smith is called before the producers. She whines that she's not ready yet, but, not surprisingly, no one really cares, and she and her head kerchief go in to read for Aaron and Len. Not surprisingly, they tell her to take off the headgear, and she whines that she's just come from a shampoo commerical and she's had cooking oil in her hair for the past six hours. Oh, shut it, Jaclyn. Finally, after lots of shifting around and looking prim, she takes off the scarf and moves onto whinging that she hasn't learned her lines yet. How did this woman ever get that job? She's not that pretty. She's also lucky that Len and Aaron don't care that she has to read from the script. At any rate, she gives the scene a go, and she sucks. She really, really sucks. Like, my grandmother could give a more convincing line reading, and she's been dead since 1998. Aaron is extremely nice to Jaclyn, but dismisses her right away. After she goes, they discuss. Len thinks she's pretty, but an awful actress. Aaron thinks she did well, for a cold reading. I think that must mean, "I like her boobies." Because, no, she didn't. Which is basically what Len says. "Top three choices so far," Aaron says. "Kathie Lee." Len nixes her. "Kim Basinger." No way. ["She was up for Charlie's Angels? Dude, she's old." -- Wing Chun] "Suzanne Somers." "Never," Len says. Aaron holds up Jaclyn's head shot alongside Farrah's and Kate's and says they look great together. Len sort of rolls his eyes and says that if she sucks on screen, they're toast.