MONDO EXTRAS

Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company

John is back in the studio, doing an interview in which he is listing quite an impressive roster of appearances and specials that he has coming up. "What's it like working with one of TV's biggest stars?" the reporter asks. "What do you mean?" he answers stupidly. "Suzanne Somers," she says. "Next question," John says in his clipped way. When the reporter persists in asking about Suzanne -- specifically about whether John has read her poetry, snerk -- John calls the interview to a halt and leaves.

The next time we see her, Suzanne is on the set of the very famous feature film Nothing Personal in July of 1979. Alan hands her the telephone so she can get some unpleasant task "over with." Turns out she's calling Jay. She tells him that she's going to be managed by Alan for a while, so Jay's fired. Jay thoughtfully fingers his pendant. Or as thoughtfully as you really can, when you're wearing a pendant that says "I Love You Mr. Mean." She thanks him. He wishes her luck. They hang up. She has hurt the weasel. Back in his office, Jay is sad.

It is now Season Five, first day of work, and casual conversation around the studio reveals that Joyce's marriage has broken up. Well, what did you expect after he accused her of not being a serious actress? John, on the other hand, has just done some remodeling with "Nancy." Don is there as well, so they're all really just waiting around for Suzanne. Ted's phone rings, and when he answers, it's Alan. He tells Ted that Suzanne will be a little late. "How late? Everyone else is already here," Ted complains. "Well, about two weeks," Alan reveals. Turns out the movie is "running over," so Alan wants them to push the start of the season forward. Alan also breaks the news that he's now Suzanne's manager. Ted stammers miserably and hangs up. A concerned John and Joyce eye each other. This can lead to nothing good!

Fred, meanwhile, is in his car, hearing the bad news that a couple of sponsors have backed out of Three's Company as a result of the Wildmon campaign, and the good news that nothing NBC has is worth anything except for CHiPs. Heh. This is probably as good a time as any to tell the interesting story -- which I never thought there would be a good time to tell -- that my friend the Suriname Scientist once had a dream when she was a little girl that Erik Estrada killed her mother. Analyze away! Anyway, the Exposition Suits argue over whether Estrada or Larry Wilcox is more crucial, but Fred just cackles happily. Top of the world, ma! Just then, though, he gets a call on his car phone that presumably tells him about Suzanne and Alan's latest adventure. "My ass!" he yells. "I can't push back the whole damn season!" He orders the driver to pull over so he can concentrate on screaming. Fred says they're going to dock Suzanne's pay for being absent. As he gets off the phone and starts explaining the situation to Exposition Suits, he gets agitated that they're not moving. But he told the driver to pull over, remember? Ha! Ha! Sigh.

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company John is back in the studio, doing an interview in which he is listing quite an impressive roster of appearances and specials that he has coming up. "What's it like working with one of TV's biggest stars?" the reporter asks. "What do you mean?" he answers stupidly. "Suzanne Somers," she says. "Next question," John says in his clipped way. When the reporter persists in asking about Suzanne -- specifically about whether John has read her poetry, snerk -- John calls the interview to a halt and leaves. The next time we see her, Suzanne is on the set of the very famous feature film Nothing Personal in July of 1979. Alan hands her the telephone so she can get some unpleasant task "over with." Turns out she's calling Jay. She tells him that she's going to be managed by Alan for a while, so Jay's fired. Jay thoughtfully fingers his pendant. Or as thoughtfully as you really can, when you're wearing a pendant that says "I Love You Mr. Mean." She thanks him. He wishes her luck. They hang up. She has hurt the weasel. Back in his office, Jay is sad. It is now Season Five, first day of work, and casual conversation around the studio reveals that Joyce's marriage has broken up. Well, what did you expect after he accused her of not being a serious actress? John, on the other hand, has just done some remodeling with "Nancy." Don is there as well, so they're all really just waiting around for Suzanne. Ted's phone rings, and when he answers, it's Alan. He tells Ted that Suzanne will be a little late. "How late? Everyone else is already here," Ted complains. "Well, about two weeks," Alan reveals. Turns out the movie is "running over," so Alan wants them to push the start of the season forward. Alan also breaks the news that he's now Suzanne's manager. Ted stammers miserably and hangs up. A concerned John and Joyce eye each other. This can lead to nothing good! Fred, meanwhile, is in his car, hearing the bad news that a couple of sponsors have backed out of Three's Company as a result of the Wildmon campaign, and the good news that nothing NBC has is worth anything except for CHiPs. Heh. This is probably as good a time as any to tell the interesting story -- which I never thought there would be a good time to tell -- that my friend the Suriname Scientist once had a dream when she was a little girl that Erik Estrada killed her mother. Analyze away! Anyway, the Exposition Suits argue over whether Estrada or Larry Wilcox is more crucial, but Fred just cackles happily. Top of the world, ma! Just then, though, he gets a call on his car phone that presumably tells him about Suzanne and Alan's latest adventure. "My ass!" he yells. "I can't push back the whole damn season!" He orders the driver to pull over so he can concentrate on screaming. Fred says they're going to dock Suzanne's pay for being absent. As he gets off the phone and starts explaining the situation to Exposition Suits, he gets agitated that they're not moving. But he told the driver to pull over, remember? Ha! Ha! Sigh.

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