MONDO EXTRAS

Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company

Everyone is doing what I guess is a script reading around a table. Don uncorks a "funny" line, and Suzanne uncorks her snort-laugh. God, I do hate the snort-laugh. John does, too, because he immediately says, "Does she have to do that in rehearsal?" Preach it, John Ritter. Or, you know, Guy Playing John Ritter. Suzanne looks stricken, because the snort-laugh is her very soul, and he basically just asked her to conceal her soul. Dave the Director Guy gives everybody a break. Tension fills the room. Suzanne says to Joyce and John that she guesses they heard about her contract negotiations. They say they did, and they advise her against trying to renegotiate in the middle of the season. Don asks if anybody wants to go off and run lines, and Joyce coldly says that she'd be happy to. They take off. John advises Suzanne again against the game of chicken she's playing with the network, and then he storms off, leaving her and her ponytails to sit at the table in despair. Oh, sad ponytails. Why has the world forsaken you?

In a grocery store, Alan is shooting a commercial in which he sings the praises of fresh produce. Apparently, Evil Alan has a career of his own to destroy, in addition to destroying that of his wife. Speaking of whom, Suzanne shows up, and when Evil Alan stops shooting, the two of them discuss the fact that John and Joyce don't want to throw in with them on renegotiating, so they're going it alone. She's beginning to have misgivings, because she likes doing Three's Company and doesn't want to return to a career in which she has to take jobs dressing up as a squirrel to pay for her kid's doctor bills. No, really; that's what she says. Including the squirrel part. Evil Alan assures her that there is no way ABC can or will do the show without her.

Later, Alan sits in the office with Ted and The Other Guy, and they discuss Suzanne. The show will offer her another $5,000 an episode. Alan is insulted. "Nobody thinks she's as big a star as you do," Ted says simply. Oooooh, score one for Ted. "We want $150,000 an episode, plus ten percent ownership of the show," Alan snots. Wow, his collar is huge. It looks like they made it out of Sally Field's wimple from The Flying Nun. Ted and The Other Guy look at each other and just have to laugh. The Other Guy points out that if they gave Suzanne $150,000, they'd have to give Joyce $150,000 and John $200,000 (which the movie doesn't explain), and that they can't afford it. Alan insists that they can, given the money they'll be raking in later, but Ted holds fast to the $5,000. "Screw you!" Alan yells. "Your show will flop if you don't give us what we want!" He storms out. Very dramatic for a grocery pitchman. I'd love to see what he could do with asparagus on sale.

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Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company Everyone is doing what I guess is a script reading around a table. Don uncorks a "funny" line, and Suzanne uncorks her snort-laugh. God, I do hate the snort-laugh. John does, too, because he immediately says, "Does she have to do that in rehearsal?" Preach it, John Ritter. Or, you know, Guy Playing John Ritter. Suzanne looks stricken, because the snort-laugh is her very soul, and he basically just asked her to conceal her soul. Dave the Director Guy gives everybody a break. Tension fills the room. Suzanne says to Joyce and John that she guesses they heard about her contract negotiations. They say they did, and they advise her against trying to renegotiate in the middle of the season. Don asks if anybody wants to go off and run lines, and Joyce coldly says that she'd be happy to. They take off. John advises Suzanne again against the game of chicken she's playing with the network, and then he storms off, leaving her and her ponytails to sit at the table in despair. Oh, sad ponytails. Why has the world forsaken you? In a grocery store, Alan is shooting a commercial in which he sings the praises of fresh produce. Apparently, Evil Alan has a career of his own to destroy, in addition to destroying that of his wife. Speaking of whom, Suzanne shows up, and when Evil Alan stops shooting, the two of them discuss the fact that John and Joyce don't want to throw in with them on renegotiating, so they're going it alone. She's beginning to have misgivings, because she likes doing Three's Company and doesn't want to return to a career in which she has to take jobs dressing up as a squirrel to pay for her kid's doctor bills. No, really; that's what she says. Including the squirrel part. Evil Alan assures her that there is no way ABC can or will do the show without her. Later, Alan sits in the office with Ted and The Other Guy, and they discuss Suzanne. The show will offer her another $5,000 an episode. Alan is insulted. "Nobody thinks she's as big a star as you do," Ted says simply. Oooooh, score one for Ted. "We want $150,000 an episode, plus ten percent ownership of the show," Alan snots. Wow, his collar is huge. It looks like they made it out of Sally Field's wimple from The Flying Nun. Ted and The Other Guy look at each other and just have to laugh. The Other Guy points out that if they gave Suzanne $150,000, they'd have to give Joyce $150,000 and John $200,000 (which the movie doesn't explain), and that they can't afford it. Alan insists that they can, given the money they'll be raking in later, but Ted holds fast to the $5,000. "Screw you!" Alan yells. "Your show will flop if you don't give us what we want!" He storms out. Very dramatic for a grocery pitchman. I'd love to see what he could do with asparagus on sale.

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